


maybe i'm crazy (for you)

by theshallowend



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Amber's in college, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cyrus Andi and Buffy are in eleventh grade, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Kippen Siblings, M/M, Slow Burn, TJ is a senior, TJ is just a really nice boyfriend, also TJ and Buffy are cool and are best friends now, let TJ and Buffy curse, let them curse, or at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 12:59:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16137746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshallowend/pseuds/theshallowend
Summary: TJ's mom doesn't believe him when he tells her he's gay. Cyrus has procrastinated coming out to his parents for four years and he's still not ready to do it alone. Neither of them know how to fix their problem, but Cyrus has an idea. Maybe it's an absurd idea, but it's better than nothing.aka TJ and Cyrus pretend to be boyfriends in order to come out to their parents.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [when you're in love all the lines get blurred](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3896845) by [jflawless](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jflawless/pseuds/jflawless). 



“My mom doesn’t believe me when I tell her I’m gay.”

Cyrus looks up from the floor where he’s reading his book and watches TJ, who is still lying on his back on the couch and throwing a ball up in the air to pass time. “Why? She believed your sister.”

TJ catches the rubber ball and sighs. “I think that’s why she didn’t believe me,” he says. “She probably thinks I’m trying to get more attention on myself since my sister’s already gay.”

“Well, are you?”

TJ looks at him and scowls. “No. Who do you think I am?”

Cyrus laughs.

TJ returns back to facing the ceiling and sighs, his hands resting on his abdomen while his ball lays abandoned on the floor where he dropped it. “But seriously, what am I going to do? How do I convince her I actually am gay? I’m not trying to follow Amber’s footsteps. It’s not my fault we’re both gay.”

Cyrus puts down his book and scoots closer to the couch so he can look at TJ’s face. “Why did your mom believe your sister?” he asks.

“She had a girlfriend when she came out.”

Cyrus shrugs. “Then why don’t you get yourself a boyfriend?”

TJ scoffs. “Yeah, ten years from now, maybe.”

Cyrus rolls his eyes and taps on TJ’s bicep with the back of his hand. “Hey, with your good looks and muscle mass, you’ll find a boyfriend in no time.”

TJ pushes Cyrus’s head back gently with his hand without moving from his spot. “Shut up,” he mumbles, and Cyrus lets out a small laugh. “There’s no one into me like that.”

“Okay, what about a fake boyfriend then?”

TJ sighs loudly and Cyrus can tell he’s rolling his eyes too. “I’ve never even had a real boyfriend. Where would I find a fake one?”

“I’ll be your fake boyfriend.”

TJ lifts his head to look at him, genuine surprise painting his face. “Seriously?”

Cyrus shrugs again, but he avoids eye contact with TJ, fiddling with the hem of his pants instead. “Well, yeah. Sure.”

TJ looks at him skeptically. “Why?”

“Okay, it was a stupid idea,” Cyrus says quickly and scrambles away from the couch, already reaching for his book. “I’m sorry I said it. Let’s just forget about it and mov-”

“Wait, no. I didn’t say it was a bad idea,” TJ says hurriedly, pushing up and putting his upper weight on his elbow, leaning forward to look straight at Cyrus. “Are you sure you’re okay with doing it though?”

Cyrus shrugs, his cheeks heating up as he bookmarks his page and mumbles, “I mean, it would kind of help me, too. Because I still need to find a way to come out to my parents, and I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to find the right way to do it.”

TJ nearly falls off his couch. “Wait, you’re gay too?” he practically shouts, startling Cyrus. “Dude! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Cyrus looks at him sheepishly. “I… guess I forgot?”

TJ gives him a look that’s a mixture of amusement, shock and disappointment. “Forgot?”

Cyrus holds up his hands defensively. “I thought it was obvious! After I told Jonah, I thought practically everyone in school knew by now.”

“Wait, you told Jonah and not me?” TJ gives him a dirty look and it almost makes Cyrus laugh, because his hair is a little messed up from when he almost fell and his face is still flushed, so he looks more disheveled than he does threatening.

“It was kind of by accident,” Cyrus explains, crossing his legs and facing TJ, who decides to ditch the couch and join Cyrus on the floor. “I just casually called this guy in this video we were watching cute, and then he looked at me kind of strangely so I told him I was gay, and he was like ‘okay cool’, and that was it basically.”

He pulls his legs up to his chest and hugs his knees. “And then I realized it doesn’t really matter much if people knew now, so I just don’t try to hide it anymore. Most people tend to just… know, I guess. And others would just come up to me and ask me, and I’d confirm it for them. And then after that I kind of just assumed everyone knew. I had no idea you didn’t know.”

TJ is watching him, intently, for a lot longer than Cyrus thinks should be legal. He snaps his fingers in front of his face to get him to blink.

“Well, I did hear some rumors,” TJ says finally, swatting Cyrus’s hand away. “I kind of figured you would tell me yourself if you wanted me to know. I didn’t really want to assume based off of what other people thought.”

“Oh. Thanks, I guess. I’m sorry I didn’t come out to you though. That probably would’ve been the right thing to do if we’re friends.”

TJ gives him a soft smile — the kind he gives him when Cyrus is worried he’s in trouble, or when he’s too scared to do any of the things on his list of easy things he can’t do, or when he starts saying sorry too much. It’s a smile Cyrus likes to think TJ reserves just for him. “Don’t worry about it, Underdog. I’m just happy I know for sure now.”

Cyrus smiles widely at him. “Okay.”

TJ sits up a little straighter and tries to smooth his messed-up hair back before he asks, a little shyly, “So… does the offer still stand?”

“The fake dating thing?” Cyrus asks, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, it does.” Cyrus sits up straighter and inches closer to TJ and says, quietly, as though they were doing something illegal, “Do you think we should do it?”

TJ shrugs. “Well, I’m not against it. And I guess it’s a win-win if we get to come out to our parents easily.”

Cyrus nods resolutely. “Okay. I guess we’re fake boyfriends then.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t we need a fake backstory?”

TJ raises his eyebrows. “I guess so.”

“Okay.” Cyrus rests his chin on the palm of his hand. “So how long do you think we should say that we’ve been dating for when we introduce each other?”

TJ picks up his ball from the floor and starts passing it back and forth between his two hands. “Let’s say two weeks. That way it’s still new enough that it makes sense we didn’t mention the relationship yet, but long enough that we’re comfortable with each other.”

“That makes sense,” Cyrus nods. He taps on his lips with a finger and knits his eyebrows together. “I’m not sure how to say we got together though. I mean, they know we already know each other from middle school. But, what changed? We can’t just say we spontaneously wanted to be together.”

TJ laughs. “Do we need to get that detailed? Why can’t we say that we just started to realize we like each other and one of us just asked the other out. And then things moved on from there.”

“Because!” Cyrus exclaims. “We have to make this believable. Realistic! We can’t just throw around vague and ambiguous stories for how we got together. That’s too suspicious. A good lie requires strategy.”

TJ rolls his eyes, but it’s the fond kind that he always does when Cyrus gets too excited about something. “Okay,” he says, keeping the ball in a fist in his right hand. “How about this? We started hanging out with Andi, Jonah, and Buffy for study sessions. But with the girls basketball season coming up, Buffy started getting too busy to attend, and Andi and Jonah would ditch us sometimes to hang out together, so we ended up studying together, alone. We started to get closer, talked more, hung out more. Sometimes there was this tension in the air when we looked at each other that was hard to place, lingering physical touches that seemed too intimate for friends. Then one day, we kissed. Neither of us really knew who initiated it, but we confessed we liked each other, and then I asked you on a date and you said yes. After that, everything really just came naturally.”

Cyrus stares at him, wide-eyed in awe and amazement. “Did you just come up with that? Now?”

TJ throws his ball at him. “Don’t sound so surprised.”

Cyrus laughs and ducks to dodge the ball, even though TJ threw it so it would fly over his head without touching him. “I never knew how good of a storyteller you are. That’s genius!”

TJ rolls his eyes and smiles. “Thanks.”

“This is great!” Cyrus clasps his hands together excitedly. “I can’t believe I never thought of this before! This is literally the best way to come out to my parents.” Cyrus punches TJ lightly in the arm. “You should’ve told me about your gay problems sooner.”

“Hey, same goes for you, Underdog.”

Cyrus shrugs and gives him a cheeky grin. “Fair point.”

 

* * *

 

TJ watches his mom as she fills two plates up with breakfast, humming softly to whatever tune is stuck in her head at the moment, and mentally berates himself for getting nervous. Now’s not the time to be questioning the whole plan! He has to reek of confidence when he breaks the news to her.

“Hey, mom?” TJ speaks up. He earns a hum from his mother to let him know she’s listening.

“Remember when I told you I’m gay?” he asks.

His mom looks at him. “Honey, we already talked about this.”

“Well, I think we need to talk again,” he says, and he swears he can hear his mom let out an annoyed sigh as she sets down their plates on the table. “Why won’t you believe me? You believed Amber.”

“You’re just too young, TJ. How could you possibly know that you’re gay if you’ve never even been on a date? Maybe you’re just confusing yourself with Amber’s—”

“I actually do have a boyfriend, Mom. One that I love very much, actually.”

His mom raises her eyebrows, unamused. “Oh, really?” she asks, and looks to see if his hands are twitching like they always do when he tells a lie. TJ crosses his arms and hides his hands, giving her a smug grin. Confidence is key.

“Yes, I do.”

“When do I get to meet this boyfriend of yours?” she asks.

“I invited him to dinner on Friday. You can meet him then,” TJ says, immediately stuffing himself with food.

His mom opens her mouth to say something else but TJ jumps off his chair and says “I have to go to school. Bye!” before giving her a quick kiss, grabbing his backpack and running out the front door. When he’s finally outside and out of sight from his mom, TJ lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and adjusts the straps on his backpack.

He really doesn’t want to lie to his mom, but if this is the only way he can convince her that he’s gay, then what else can he do? Maybe he’ll tell her the truth after he marries a guy and it’s officially confirmed that he is one hundred percent gay and not just trying to escape the shadow of his sister.

But until then, a fake romantic relationship with his best friend will have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh thank you for reading, this is my first fic and I'm not sure how well it's gonna go but oh well, we'll see. feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you like. thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

“Cyrus!” Cyrus turns around at the sound of his name to see TJ jogging towards him from the end of the block.

“Hey, TJ,” he greets him when he gets closer.

“Guess what?” TJ says, beaming, and Cyrus wonders how he’s not panting after running for half a block.

“What?”

TJ grins at him. “I told my mom about the dinner on Friday. I don’t think she’s completely convinced, but we’ll get there.”

Cyrus can already feel the dread seeping into his soul.

He’s excited to be able to help his best friend come out to his mom. Really. TJ deserves that. But a bigger part of him is starting to get scared, and even a little guilty, because in order to carry out this plan, he’s going to have to lie to TJ’s mom and pretend to be his boyfriend when he really isn’t.

Cyrus knows he has no right to be regretting this — it was his idea after all — but it was a spur-of-the-moment idea and honestly, he didn’t think TJ would actually take him seriously. But he did, and Cyrus was just animated by the idea of actually having someone by his side when he comes out to his own parents that he went along with it too. But it’s done now. He is officially TJ Kippen’s fake boyfriend.

“So this is really happening, huh? We’re actually going to be pretend boyfriends?” Cyrus says, trying to hide his nervousness with a weak smile.

“Yeah.” TJ’s grin faded into a concerned frown. “Unless you don’t want to. Listen, if you want to back out of this, I understand. You don’t have to do this if–”

“What? No, no, no,” Cyrus shakes his head. “I wouldn’t leave you hanging like that. I brought it up remember. I promise I won’t back out of this. I’m just nervous because I have no idea how to act like a boyfriend.”

TJ relaxes a little and his smile returns. “Aren’t you the only one of us who’s actually been in a relationship?”

Cyrus grimaces. “You do not want to know how that one turned out. Just pray that we will be nothing like that.”

TJ laughs. They walk for a bit before he asks, “Are you still nervous?”

“A little.”

“Would it help if I did it first?”

“Did what first?”

“I can come to your house for dinner as your boyfriend first.”

Cyrus looks at him questioningly and TJ shrugs.

“At least this way, you can be prepared and know exactly what questions my mom is going to use to interrogate you.”

Cyrus looks alarmed. “Your mom is going to interrogate me?”

TJ lets out a chuckle and drapes his arm around Cyrus. “It was a joke, Underdog. I was joking. My mom loves you. She’ll never try to make you feel unwelcome. I promise.”

Cyrus exhales. “Yeah. Okay. Yeah, maybe it would help if you did it first.” He looks at him. “You’re sure you’re okay with that?”

TJ shrugs and grins. “Hey, I offered it. I promise I won’t back out either.”

 

* * *

 

It’s still pitch black outside when TJ is rudely awakened by his phone on a school night.

He snatches it off his nightstand to look at the caller ID, ready to give whoever is calling an angry ten second speech before hanging up on them.

But his anger deflates a little when he sees who it is.

“Cyrus?” TJ’s voice comes out hoarse and groggy when he speaks into the phone. He yawns, rubbing his eyes with his left hand and holding his phone with his right. “Why are you calling me at-,” he takes the phone off his ear and squints at the bright screen to check the time, “-two in the morning?”

“Sorry. I’m really sorry. I know this is super late.” TJ can almost see Cyrus moving his arms around and shaking his head with a pained expression, like he always does when he starts apologizing. “But I’m, kind of… right outside your house right now.”

That wakes TJ up. “What?” He looks out the window and sure enough, there, down below, is Cyrus Goodman waiting outside his front door. “Holy shit,” he breathes out. Then into the phone, he says, “Hold on, Cyrus. I’ll be right there.”

He climbs down the stairs as quickly as he can without waking up his mother and opens the front door. A blast of cold air bites his skin through his thin pajamas. “What the fuck, Cyrus?” he hisses as he ushers him inside. “Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping right now?”

Cyrus looks just as surprised as he is. “Um, yeah. I just had a lot on my mind. So I went out for a walk to clear my head, and I lost track of time, and… your hair isn’t gelled.”

TJ gives him a strange look. “Uh, yeah, no. I don’t have any hair gel on, because I was sleeping, like you should be doing right now.” TJ crosses his arms in front of his chest and glares at him. “How’d you end up on my street? Isn’t your house, like, ten blocks away?”

“Yeah, I think so. I didn’t even realize I’ve been walking for so long. I recognized your street number. And you were the closest house so far so I just... came here. Sorry.” Cyrus looks down at his shoes, embarrassment and regret clearly visible on his face.

TJ shakes his head, and Cyrus thinks for half a second that TJ’s angry with him. After all, he did wake him up in the middle of the night and made him worry for no good reason. But then he hears a sigh and feels a hand ruffling his hair, and the next thing he knows, TJ’s shaking his head lightly and giving him a smile he can only describe as _fond_ , and it makes Cyrus feel a little bit better.

“It’s fine, Underdog. Just don’t do it again,” TJ says, dropping his hand to Cyrus’s shoulder. “Otherwise, coming out to your parents will be the least of your problems.” TJ tries to look serious as he chides him, crossing his arms and making what Cyrus presumes is supposed to be a stern dad face, but Cyrus only finds himself wanting to laugh instead.

“Okay. I won’t,” he promises anyway.

“Good. Do you need me to drive you home?”

Cyrus smiles at him sheepishly. “That would be great.”

“Okay, just wait here. I’ll go get my keys,” TJ tells him before quietly going back up to his room.

Cyrus stares at him when he comes back down, wearing his jacket and glasses and swinging his keys on his finger.

“You wear glasses?” Cyrus asks, still staring.

TJ lets out a little laugh as he adjusts his glasses, but Cyrus can hear the hint of insecurity lacing it. “Yeah, just… don’t tell anyone, okay? I would put on my contacts but I’m afraid I’ll be too tired to take them out before I sleep when I come back.”

“No, it’s, uh, it’s really cool. I mean, you look really cool. I just… was surprised, cuz, you know, I’ve never seen you wear them before. But, like, you shouldn’t be embarrassed by them. I mean, I don’t mean to tell you how you should feel or anything, and I promise I won’t tell anybody, but, you look really nice in them, though. You actually look really nice without hair gel too, cuz your hair looks kind of fluffy, and you look less scary this way. Not that you looked really scary before, but I jus-”

“Thanks, Cyrus,” TJ cuts off his rambling with a small smile, “I appreciate it.” Cyrus tries not to notice how TJ’s eyes seem to glint from the moonlight when he says that. And he refuses to think about how his heart rate seems to speed up when he smiles.

They go out the front door and get in TJ’s mom’s car—a cramped and rusty old thing that smells way too strongly of lavender. But Cyrus has been in worse vehicles so he doesn’t mind it very much.

“So what was on your mind that had you so distracted from the real world?” TJ asks once they were on the road.

“I was just worried.”

TJ glances at him expectantly. “About?”

“About our whole fake dating thing. About whether it would work or not. I mean, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to be convincing enough. I’ve only been in one relationship before, and it wasn’t even with a boy. On our first date, I threw up in a shoe.” Cyrus looks down at his hands and wishes he can just keep his mouth shut. He has a problem with oversharing, he thinks to himself, and then he thinks about how he might overshare to TJ’s mom when he’s having dinner with her, and he wants to slap himself for adding another item onto his neverending list of things to be worried about.

“That’s rough,” he hears TJ say.

Cyrus sighs. “Yeah, I know.” He turns around to look directly at the side of TJ’s face. “What if our parents find out we’re lying to them? What if I’m too obvious?”

TJ doesn’t answer until about half a minute later, after he parks the car in front of Cyrus’s house, which, thankfully, is still dark and quiet, just as he left it.

“Cyrus,” TJ says, looking at him seriously, “you’re going to do fine. Don’t worry. Just trust yourself.”

“That’s easy for you to say, athlete with boundless confidence.” Cyrus turns back to face the front of the car. He knows he’s being petty but he can’t help it. All of his fears keep shouting at him in his head. “I can’t just trust myself like you. I don’t even know how to act like a boyfriend. I’ve never even held a boy’s hand before!” He turns back to TJ, wide-eyed. “What if they find out we’re not dating because I’m bad at holding hands with you?”

TJ, all of a sudden, takes Cyrus’s hand by his wrist and brings it between them. He slides his palm up against his until their fingers can interlock comfortably. Perfectly.

“There,” he says softly, “now you held a boy’s hand. See, it isn’t so hard.”

Cyrus watches TJ’s thumb graze against his knuckles. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “It feels nice.”

TJ hopes Cyrus can’t hear how fast his heart is beating right then.

 

* * *

 

“You look terrible,” Buffy remarks, taking a seat next to TJ in math class.

“Good morning to you, too.”

Buffy rolls her eyes. “If you pulled an all-nighter, that’s a stupid decision because we have a test tomorrow morning.”

TJ sighs. “I know, Buffy,” he says, his head still resting on his desk with his eyes closed, “I just had to do something.”

“Do what?”

“I’ll tell you after school.” He lifts his head off his desk when the bell rings to start the period. “And, I haven’t gotten lower than a C- since middle school, so you can stop being on my back about schoolwork.”

Buffy raises an eyebrow. “Fine. I’ll stop pestering you when you can beat me at one-on-one in basketball.”

TJ drops his head back on his desk. “Ugh. I hate you,” he mumbles.

Buffy laughs. “I’m serious, though. I know you’re usually sleepy because of work, but you look like you barely slept at all last night. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am. I just needed to drop Cyrus off at his house at two in the morning.”

“What?” Buffy nearly shouts. The teacher gives both of them a stern look and a warning to not talk until the end of class if they want to stay out of detention. Buffy looks ready to argue, but she stays silent until it’s partner work time.

“Why did you have to drop Cyrus off at two in the morning?” she immediately questions him. “What did you do to him?”

“Nothing!” TJ throws his hands up in defense at the accusation. “He just had a lot on his mind and he went out for a walk and got lost. And my house just happened to be the closest one.”

Buff’s jaw drops to the floor. “Are you serious? What was he even thinking about?”

“He was worried about me meeting his parents.”

She looks at him incredulously. “Why? His parents already know you.”

“Yeah, but he has to introduce me as his boyfriend this time.”

“You’re his boyfriend?” Buffy nearly shouts, earning another nasty look from the teacher.

“Fake boyfriend,” TJ corrects her. “And could you not be so loud. The convenience store two blocks away can hear you.”

“No, you still have way more to explain,” Buffy hisses at him.

The end bell rings just then, like the convenient asshole that it is, and TJ smiles and shrugs. “Maybe later. I have to get to French now,” he says, grabbing his backpack.

“Wait!”

“Bye Buffy!” TJ shouts, dashing out of the classroom, leaving Buffy to curse under her breath before gathering her stuff to get to her next class.

 

* * *

 

“TJ is your fake boyfriend?” is the first thing that comes out of Buffy’s mouth when she sees Cyrus at lunch.

“Hello to you, too.”

“Don’t ‘Hello to you, too’ me. I demand an explanation. What the fuck is going on, Cyrus?”

“Wow, language,” Andi says as she joins them.

Buffy rolls her eyes. “We’re in eleventh grade, Andi.”

“Yes, and you seem angry.”

“Yes, I am. Because Cyrus here, is apparently fake dating TJ Kippen,” Buffy says, pointing an accusing finger at Cyrus.

Andi nearly chokes on her lunch. “You’re what?”

“Okay. I know this is crazy,” Cyrus starts, putting his hands up, “but just let me explain.”

“We’re waiting,” Buffy says impatiently.

“Okay. So,” Cyrus puts his arms on top the table and leans forward, looking as if he’s about to disclose a huge secret, “as you know, TJ is gay. But when he tried to come out to his mom, she thought he was just confused since his sister is a lesbian. And, as you also know, I still haven’t come out to my parents because I have no idea how. So we both decided that we should pretend to be each other’s boyfriends so it’ll be easier to come out to our parents.”

Buffy and Andi stare at him for lot longer than Cyrus thinks is necessary. Buffy is the first to speak. “That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

“Yeah, there really isn’t any other way for you guys to convince your parents that you’re gay? Why don’t you just wait until you have an actual boyfriend?” Andi says.

“Andi, I’m sixteen and I have only found one other guy who is also gay, much less an actual boyfriend. Do you want me to wait until I’m thirty eight with a husband and, like, four adopted kids for me to finally tell my parents I’m gay?”

Andi lightly slaps his arm. “You’re cute,” she tells him. “I’m sure you’ll find a boyfriend before high school ends. Or at least once you get to college.”

“I’ve been gay for sixteen years and my cuteness only brought about a disaster hetero relationship and nothing else.”

“Okay, but still. This is still really weird. You, and TJ? Dating?” Buffy grimaces.

“ _Fake_ dating!”

“What if it suddenly become not fake?”

“Buffy!” Cyrus frowns at her. “That’s not going to happen! Stop making things weirder than they already are.”

“I don’t think there is a way to make this weirder.”

Cyrus lets out a long, exasperated sigh. Sure, he admits to himself, this is not the most conventional way of coming out to your parents, but this is still his and TJ’s coming out! And they have every right to decide how they’re going to execute it. So if pretend boyfriends is the way they want to do this, then so be it.

“Look, TJ and I have already decided that we’re just going to put up this dating appearance for about two months, and just in front of our parents to convince them that we really are gay. And then, we break up, saying that we decided we’re better off as friends or something, and everything comes back to normal. Okay?”

Buffy grunts. “Fine. But please don’t act like a couple in front of us. I might actually barf if you do.”

“I don’t know,” Andi says wistfully, taking a forkful of her salad, “you and TJ might not make such a bad couple.”

“Ew, Andi!” Buffy and Cyrus chorus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again. thank you for reading and i hope you like this chapter. if you do, you can drop a comment or kudos. have a nice day, guys :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time.

TJ looks at the sea of hoodies and dull colored T-shirts that is his wardrobe and feels ridiculous. He checks the clock and, unsurprisingly, there’s still three hours left before he has to go to Cyrus’s house, just like it was when he checked the last time, eighteen seconds ago.

Unluckily for him, his mom peeks through his half open door right when he groans “Why don’t I own a single good shirt!”

He freezes in place when he can feel someone watching him, and slowly turns around to face her. “What are you doing?” she asks, smiling amusedly as she pushes the door open a little wider.

“Nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” She puts a hand on her hip and leans against the door frame. “I’ve never seen you fret about your clothes before.”

“I’m not fretting about my clothes,” TJ scrunches his nose. “I just need something nice to wear.”

“You have nice clothes,” his mom says, walking over to his bed and picking up one of his shirts.

“Yeah, but they need to look nice to parents. And all of these are only nice for teenage boys.” He gestures wildly at the clothes that he laid out in front of him on his bed.

His mom raises her eyebrows at him. “What is this for?”

TJ puts his hands in his pocket. “I’m supposed to go meet my boyfriend’s parents today.”

His mom looks surprised. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I promised to meet his parents first. So we’re going to do that today. And tomorrow, you get to meet him. That’s the plan.”

“I see.”

“Yep.”

TJ still notices the suspicious glint in his mom’s eyes, but he decides not to say anything about it. She goes to his closet and rummages through the clothes he hasn’t taken out yet, and emerges back with a red and orange plaid button down and holds it against him. “This looks nice,” she says after inspecting it.

TJ takes it and inspects it himself. He excuses himself to try it on and when he looks in the mirror, he smiles. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t wear this shirt more often. “It looks nice,” he says.

“You look very handsome. I’m sure your boyfriend will swoon.”

“Mom,” he groans as she leaves the room.

TJ looks back in the mirror, fixing his collar more times than is necessary, smoothing down the front of his shirt even after it is completely smooth, and smiles. It’s okay to care about your looks, he tells himself, especially when you have to meet someone’s parents. It’s not just exclusive to boyfriends and girlfriends.

He’s doing this for himself, he thinks after he fixes his hair for about fifteen minutes, making sure the gel makes his hair look like that almost careless look that still makes him look good without letting anyone know how much effort was really put in to make it look just right.

He just wants to feel good in his own skin.

A little voice in the back of his head tells him he’s full of shit.

 

* * *

 

Cyrus has been pacing back and forth between the kitchen and the dining room, resetting the table about twelve times in the last twenty minutes as he waits for TJ to show up. His moms keep giving him worried glances from where they’re seated on the living room sofa, probably whispering to each other about how ridiculous he’s being instead of reading the books they’re holding, while his dads try to get him out of the kitchen after he asks if dinner is ready yet for the umpteenth time. At least one of his four parents is bound to question his behavior at this point.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” Cyrus’s mom calls to him from the living room.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just… nervous.”

His mom chuckles. “What? Do you think we’re going to embarrass you?”

“No,” Cyrus mutters. He really doesn’t. They already met TJ, and TJ has already told him many times before how much he really likes them, even if they talk about psychology stuff eighty percent of the time he’s with them. TJ tried to calm him down about this every time they talked about it, but he can’t help but feel like he’s going to mess up. He already feels like he forgot something.

The doorbell rings and Cyrus dashes to the front door, beating all four of his parents. “I got it!” he pants as he opens the door to reveal a very surprised TJ Kippen. “Hi,” he grins at him, relief flooding into his veins.

“Hi,” TJ says as he holds up a bag of what he presumes to be dessert and gives him a shy smile that’s so nice and cute that Cyrus almost forgets to be nervous at all.

He doesn’t even notice that his mom is right behind him until she greets their guest. “TJ! Hi! We didn’t know you were coming. We’re actually waiting for somebody but if you’re planning on staying for dinner, I’m sure we’ll have enough food for you too.”

“Really?” TJ says, cutting his eyes to Cyrus with a perplexed expression. “Well, ah, I was… invited.”

Ah, so that’s what he forgot, Cyrus realizes when his mom gives him an equally confused look, and he immediately scrambles to explain the situation.“No, mom, this is, uh, he’s, he’s the one. The only one who’s coming. He’s the, he’s my, um, boyfriend. Yeah.”

His mom’s eyes widen in surprise as she turns back to TJ. “Oh! Well, then, of course, come in, come in.”

TJ takes Cyrus to the side as soon as he’s inside and whispers, “You didn’t tell them it was me?”

Cyrus shrugs sheepishly. “I didn’t even tell them it was a boyfriend until now.”

TJ lets out a chuckle and ruffles his hair. Cyrus usually hates it when people ruffle his hair, but for TJ he makes an exception, because he always does it lightly so as not to completely mess up his hair, and it makes Cyrus feel like TJ was just quietly trying to tell him he’s cute.

“Well, your mom seems really cool with it. So, hopefully that means you don’t have to worry. Just be cool about it. Don’t stress yourself out,” TJ tells him.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re a jock. You’re natural at this stuff.”

“I don’t think being a jock automatically means you know how to make a good first impression to the parents.”

“Well, clearly, that’s what it means for you at least.”

TJ laughs again. “Cyrus, I’ve known your parents for, like, four years now.”

Cyrus sighs. “I know. I’m sorry. I mean, I already knew they’d be okay with me being gay, but still. I’m just nervous. I don’t know why.”

TJ puts a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry. I’m here. It’ll be okay, I promise.”

Cyrus nods.

TJ turns out to be right. It is okay. Cyrus’s parents love him. Well, they already loved him, but that was as his friend. Now, they love him as his boyfriend too. _Fake boyfriend_ , Cyrus reminds himself. His parents mostly ask TJ any questions they have—which, for the most part, isn’t even about their relationship—or they talk to each other, and sometimes they talk to him just to make comments about what a gentleman TJ is. And TJ answers all the questions easily. By the end of the dinner, when his parents wave him goodbye, Cyrus forgets that he was worried at all. Until he closes the door, that is.

“So. Boyfriend, huh?” His stepdad asks him, crossing his arms, but he’s smiling. All four of his parents wait for him to talk, and it feels like he's facing an audience.

“Um, yeah,” he says. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Cyrus,” his mom hugs him, and his stepmom and dads follow. “We’re really proud of you.”

“We know this must have been very hard for you,” his dad says.

“We’re really sorry if any of us made it too difficult for you to come out to us earlier,” his stepmom adds.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I just didn’t know how to tell you guys,” he says when they all finally let go. “Especially since I had to make sure all four of you were together for me to tell you at the same time.”

His parents laugh. “We really appreciate that,” his stepdad tells him.

Cyrus smiles. “Just, please don’t make too big of a deal of this whole thing. It’s still new. And I just want it to be something normal between us.”

“Are you talking about your relationship or about you being gay?” his stepmom asks him.

“Both.”

They laugh, and Cyrus finally feels okay.

 

* * *

 

It’s Cyrus’s turn to meet the parents. Or parent. TJ only lives with his mom, and meeting only one parent rather than four, especially since he’s already met her, should have been easy for Cyrus. But he’s even more nervous than when he was coming out to his own parents.

He takes a deep breath and steps closer to TJ’s front door, raising his hand to knock lightly on the wood. He waits a couple of minutes before raising his hand to knock again, but the door opens just as he is about to bring his fist forward, so he accidently knocks into TJ’s chest instead.

“Cyrus!” TJ grins at him, seemingly oblivious to Cyrus’s embarrassing blunder.

“Hey. Um, I brought dessert. Just like you did. For me. Well, for my parents. Uh, does your mom like cheesecake? I panicked and bought cheesecake and chocolate cake and apple pie. Just in case your mom doesn’t like cake at all.”

TJ laughs. “Don’t worry. My mom loves dessert.”

“Hello, Cyrus.” TJ’s mom appears at the doorway and puts a hand on TJ’s shoulders as she greets Cyrus. “Are you the boyfriend that TJ’s been fretting about his clothes for?”

“Mom,” TJ squeaks, blushing. Cyrus almost wants to whip out his phone and take a picture because TJ looks adorable when he’s blushing. Plus, TJ has always claimed that he is incapable of blushing and this is his chance to prove him otherwise.

“Um, yes? I think so,” Cyrus answers.

TJ’s mom laughs and tells her son to invite Cyrus in. TJ obeys, holding the door open for him and taking the bag from Cyrus to set it on the dinner table.

“You’re actually a bit early, honey,” Ms. Kippen tells Cyrus once he’s inside. “Dinner won’t be ready for at least another ten minutes. You two can just wait in the living room while I finish up.”

They both sit down on the couch in the living room, their thighs nearly touching and TJ’s head leaning dangerously close to Cyrus’s when he yawns. He yawns again only a minute later and Cyrus notices that his eyes look half closed. “You look tired,” Cyrus tells him.

“I had to stay up late finishing an essay last night because I had work,” TJ explains.

He stifles another yawn before asking “How are you doing?”

“I’m trying not to panic right now,” Cyrus confesses. “How did you even do it when we were meeting my parents?”

“I’m the jock with boundless confidence, remember?” TJ says with a cheeky grin.

Cyrus rolls his eyes and lightly smacks on the shoulder.

TJ laughs a little, his eyes fluttering shut as he mutters, “I was terrified actually. I’m just very good at pretending.”

“I wish I was too.”

“Hey,” TJ places his hand on top of Cyrus’s, which he was clasping together and trying to burrow into his legs. “My mom loves you already. You don’t need to do anything but be yourself.” He smiles softly at him, and Cyrus doesn’t know why he has a weird feeling in his stomach, but he doesn’t think it’s terrible.

TJ’s mom is hilarious. Cyrus already knows that, but it’s a great relief for him anyway. She spends the majority of the dinner making jokes with Cyrus and embarrassing her son. And the only questions she asks Cyrus are about school and his friends and if his parents know about his and TJ’s relationship. She even tells him that if he’s not comfortable coming out to them yet, she promises not to tell them about their relationship for now, which Cyrus really appreciates. Even though he already told them, it’s a comfort knowing that there is someone willing to keep that secret for him.

“You did great, Cyrus,” TJ whispers to him as he walks him to the door. Cyrus feels warm under his smile.

“Thanks,” he whispers back. He sees TJ’s mom watching them from behind TJ’s shoulder, and he suddenly leans up and kisses TJ on the cheek.

TJ stiffens for a few seconds, his mouth slightly open and eyes wide in surprise.

“Sorry, your mom was watching,” Cyrus explains hurriedly in a hushed tone.

“Its okay,” TJ says, barely a whisper. He’s in a daze even after Cyrus leaves, and he doesn’t realize he still hasn’t closed the door until his mom startles him out of his trance.

“So you and Cyrus,” she speaks up from behind him, and TJ doesn’t need to look at her to know that she’s smirking at him.

“What about me and Cyrus?” he asks as he closes the door.

His mom shrugs and crosses her arms. “I don’t know. I thought you guys were just really good friends.” She gives him a smug smile. “Though, I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised. He is here all the time. When did it start?”

TJ sits down on the couch and leans his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “I don’t know. We just knew each other for a long time, and he’s just really nice and was my first real friend.” He shrugs. “I don’t know when it happened. I just knew I was thinking a lot about him and I wanted to hang out a lot more with him. So I just… I did. Hang out with him. And at one point, we even kissed. I don’t know who started it. But I asked him out on a date and he said yes and… well. Yeah.”

There is an agonizingly long beat of silence that passes before his mom says, “I like him.”

“Me too,” TJ whispers, even though his mom already went back into the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

Buffy and Andi practically run up to Cyrus when he first walks into school on Monday, and he briefly wonders if there’s a murderer loose in the building at the way they’re looking at him.

“What’s going on?” he asks as they pull him close so that they’re attached to his sides, and drag him along to his locker in a manner Cyrus would say a bodyguard would act. “What are you doing?”

When they’re finally at his locker, Buffy tells him to open it quickly so that she can use the door to hide him even further.

“Okay, guys, I’m getting scared.” Cyrus leans back when the girls move in closer to his personal space.

“Did you tell your mom not to tell anyone about your, you know, relationship status?” Buffy questions him.

Cyrus’s eyes widen as realization dawns on him. “Oh no.”

“Oh yeah,” Andi says. “Everyone in the whole school knows.”

“Oh my gosh.” Cyrus runs his hands through his hair in exasperation. The whole school can’t know! This plan is only for him and TJ’s parents. They’re the only ones who are supposed to know! “What am I going to do?”

“I don’t know, but you’re going to have to tell TJ and figure it out with him,” Andi says. “You guys are literally what everyone is talking about right now.”

“I eavesdropped a little bit. And most of the gossip is pretty harmless but there are a few assholes here and there,” Buffy says in a hushed tone, scanning the hallway like she’s on the lookout for a criminal.

“Again. Language, Buffy.”

Buffy ignores Andi’s reproach and continues to assure Cyrus she’s keeping a list of these supposed assholes in case there comes a point where she needs to beat someone up for him.

“That’s not going to be necessary,” Cyrus tells her quickly, shaking his head. “No beating up people. I just have to find TJ first and-”

The bell cuts him off, and everyone in the hallway immediately start going to their first period class.

Buffy curses under her breath. “I have to go to the fourth floor. I’ll talk to you later. Let me know if there are any shitheads giving you a hard time, and I’ll take care of it,” she tells Cyrus before hurrying to the stairs.

Andi shakes her head as she watches her best friend go. “It’s hard to believe she hasn’t cursed for the first two years of high school,” she mutters. She gives Cyrus a concerned look. “Are you going to be okay?” she asks him.

Cyrus nods. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’m just worried about TJ.”

“You have a free period with him today, don’t you? Talk to him then. I think he’ll understand,” Andi tells him as they both walk to history together.

Cyrus tries to tell himself the same thing, but he’s still worried for the first three hours of school, all the way until fourth period.

“TJ!” he yells when his free period finally comes around, and immediately regrets it, because now he has an extra twenty pairs of eyes staring at him. Cyrus laughs nervously as he dodges past the students in the hallway giving him strange looks.

“Underdog!” TJ greets him with a grin when he reaches him.

“I think we have a problem.”

TJ raises an eyebrow. “What problem?”

Cyrus grips onto his sleeve and pulls TJ to a small corner next to the lockers, away from the prying eyes of the public. “So, my mom’s kind of like the verbal version of Twitter. And, according to Andi and Buffy and the various eyes that keep staring at us, I’m pretty sure everyone in this school thinks that we’re dating.”

“Oh,” TJ remarks, and, to Cyrus’s surprise, he starts laughing. “I was wondering how everyone knew about us.”

“Wait, you’re not mad?” Cyrus asks, genuinely confused. There’s literally a rumor spreading about the two of them, and it’s partly Cyrus’s fault that it is. And yet, TJ doesn’t even seem a little upset.

“No, dude. It’s cool,” TJ shrugs. “Are you okay with this?” His eyebrows knit together in concern.

Cyrus takes a minute to think about that. He was mostly worrying about what TJ would think up until this point, so he doesn’t really know what he personally feels about the situation. “I don’t know. I mean, we’re not actually dating, though, so we’re practically lying to the whole school…”

TJ raises an eyebrow. “Would you rather try to explain to the whole student body how we’re fake dating in order to come out to our parents?”

“No, but...”

TJ pats Cyrus on the shoulder and assures him that they’ll be fine. “I’m pretty sure most of these guys will forget about us within a week anyway. If anything, we just need to hang out together a little more to keep up the relationship act for a little while. Nothing too severe.”

Cyrus nervously glances towards the hallway, where there are still a bunch of students not-so-subtly gawking at them. He thinks this may be punishment for lying to his parents about having a boyfriend. But somehow that makes him feel a little better.

“Yeah, okay,” he finally agrees.

“Cool.” TJ smiles at him. “I’ll catch you later, Underdog,” he says before bringing him in for a one arm hug. He kisses Cyrus’s hair and gives him a soft smile before turning to walk toward the cafeteria, leaving Cyrus confused and surprised. Then, he remembers the students that are still watching him in the hallway, and he realizes TJ was just confirming that they are boyfriends for them.

The realization disappoints him a little bit, and he scolds himself for being disappointed. He shakes his head and hurries to the library, praying that no one will talk to him.


	4. Chapter 4

Cyrus didn’t really expect to hang out with TJ more than he already does, which is usually just a group hangout at the Spoon with Buffy and Andi, and sometimes Jonah and Walker if they’re free. Other than that, he mostly expected TJ to stay after school to practice more basketball while Cyrus did the rest of his homework on the bench. This way, they can both go home and tell their parents they hung out with each other, and it wouldn’t have been a total lie.

But it isn’t even a week after they told their parents that TJ tells Cyrus that his mom sat him down and told him she loves him and accepts him and doesn’t want him to hide his relationship from her anymore. Which means the two of them will have to hang out at TJ’s house a couple of times a week just to make their relationship a little more convincing. Then, Cyrus suggests that they should probably do the same thing at his house so his own parents don’t get suspicious, and TJ agrees.

Which is how they come up with the schedule of spending Tuesdays and Thursdays at TJ’s house, and Mondays and Wednesdays at Cyrus’s, with Fridays free to hang out with whoever they like.

Cyrus really likes the schedule because when it’s his turn to host TJ at his house, his step dad always makes hot chocolate for the both of them, which he doesn’t usually do when it’s just Cyrus. And sometimes Ms. Kippen lets him play music or watch TV when he’s the guest, which he doesn’t get to do often at home because his mom is worried it’ll disrupt her patients.

The first week is, admittedly, a bit awkward since their parents keep trying to be extra enthusiastic and tease them much too often. But, within a few days, things go along more naturally and it doesn’t really feel much different from when Cyrus hung out with TJ without the pretense of dating.

The real problem, Cyrus finds, is dealing with his best friends.

“I can’t believe you two are ditching us again,” Buffy opens her locker door with so much force Cyrus is afraid it’s going to break off its hinges.

“I’m not ditching you! We have a schedule, remember?” Cyrus exclaims.

Buffy rolls her eyes. “Why can’t you guys just hang out with us after school like we normally do?”

“Because our parents will start asking too many questions. ‘Oh did you hang out with TJ today?’, ‘How did your date go?’, ‘I haven’t seen TJ in a while, maybe we should invite him over for dinner again.’” Cyrus’s terrible impressions earn him an eye roll and a scoff to cover up a laugh. “At least, if we’re being all couple-y in front of them, they’ll just get the idea and leave us alone.”

Cyrus holds Buffy’s books as she gets her gym clothes out of her locker. “I didn’t know you had a game today,” he tells her.

“I never needed to tell you before. You still came even if it was last minute.”

“But I already promised my stepdad I’d bring TJ to play chess with him again. He demanded a rematch after TJ beat him last time.”

Buffy’s eyes grow wide. “TJ beat Todd at chess?”

Cyrus nods. “I know right! It was all my dad talked about for the past two days. He said he’s glad TJ came around to humble Todd. Apparently, he’s been boasting about being undefeatable in chess for the past five years.”

Buffy chuckles. “Poor TJ. Look what you got him into.”

“Exactly. He’s going to need way more moral support than you do.”

Buffy gives him the side eye, but she seems a lot less upset now. She shuts her locker door and takes her books back from Cyrus, stuffing it into her backpack.

“Fine,” she says when she’s done, giving him a stern look. “But today’s the only day I’m letting you skip any of my games. And that’s only because we’re going against literally the worst basketball team I have ever seen.”

“Deal. I promise I will never ever ever miss any more of your games,” Cyrus says with a hand over his heart.

“And you’re paying for baby taters every Friday until you and TJ break up.”

Cyrus frowns a little. “Fake break up.”

“Whatever.”

“It’s not real!” Cyrus calls after Buffy even as she walks away from him.

“We’ll see!” Buffy shouts without turning her head.

Cyrus sighs in exasperation. Buffy and Andi tease him about TJ more than the entire school body and he’s pretty sure part of it is because there’s been a shortage of things to tease each other about ever since Andi got over her boy problems two years ago. He supposes he should be used to it by now, but it just makes him feel weird, and no matter how hard he tries, sometimes the feeling is just hard to ignore. He just hopes they get tired of it soon, before he’s forced to tell them to stop because he’s uncomfortable with it for reasons even he doesn’t completely understand.

Cyrus’s phone rings as soon as he steps out of the school building.

“I’m grabbing some food before I go to your house. Do you want anything?” TJ’s voice asks him from the other line.

Cyrus grins. “Baby taters and milkshakes?”

He can hear TJ let out a little laugh. “Obviously,” he says. “Don’t wait for me. I’ll meet you at your house in ten minutes.”

“Okay.”

Cyrus pockets his phone and starts going down the sidewalk toward his house, a little skip in his step. Baby taters always makes his day better, he thinks. He shrugs, to no one in particular. And maybe TJ does too.

 

* * *

 

They’ve been following the schedule for almost three weeks now. Sometimes, it’s interrupted because TJ has work after school, and Cyrus can tell he’s tired by the time he finally gets home. He tries to stay awake when Cyrus is still around though, but after the first two weeks, Cyrus just lets him nap on him while he does his homework as quietly as possible.

Sometimes, when he’s suddenly hyperaware of TJ’s face against his neck, breathing on him, he gets distracted. And more than once, he has an urge to wrap his arms around TJ’s sleeping body and take a nap there himself. But that’s weird, so Cyrus pushes that thought away.

When TJ tells him he’ll sleep on his bed instead, Cyrus is a bit disappointed. He got used to being TJ’s pillow, but it makes sense. Cyrus imagines that TJ’s neck hurts a lot from the way his head is usually angled when he's napping on his shoulder.

It makes finishing his homework a lot easier though, now that he doesn’t need to worry about waking up the boy sleeping on him. He can usually get most of his work done by the time TJ wakes up.

But today, he already did all of his homework during lunch, and he didn’t bring an extra book to read and waste time, so he just lies down on the hopefully clean floor of his fake boyfriend’s bedroom and stares at the ceiling, counting the number of glow-in-the-dark stars decorating it.

He counts them about three times before he gets bored out of his mind and wonders whether TJ will get mad or not if he wakes him up to talk to him for a few minutes.

“Hey, TJ?” Cyrus calls from the floor. He’s surprised when he hears TJ grunt in response to let him know he’s listening.

“How does it feel like to be a senior?”

“It feels nice,” TJ mumbles, his head still muffled by his pillow and his arm. Cyrus gets on his knees to look at him on the bed.

“Isn’t it scary?”

“Why would it be scary, Underdog?” TJ asks, his eyes still closed.

“Because, I mean, this is your last year in high school. What if you don’t know what you want to do after high school? What if you don’t get into the college you want? What if this is the last year you get to spend with your best friends?”

TJ finally lifts his head to look at Cyrus, squinting at the light. “Cyrus,” his voice is still groggy from his nap, “you don’t need to worry about that now.” He turns his body around so that he’s lying on his back, and rubs his face with his hands to wake himself up.

“I mean, yeah, I guess it is kind of scary to think about how you have to face more responsibilities and stuff after you graduate, whether you go to college or not,” he says, lifting himself up and moving back to lean against the headboard. He yawns before continuing. “But, the entire reason you go to school is so that you can be prepared for adulthood. If you don’t get into the college you wanted to get into, that’s okay. Your life isn’t over. You’ll still do great in your second choice, or your third. And if you really want to never lose contact with your best friends, you’ll find a way to work through the distance.”

Cyrus folds his arms and puts them on top of the bed near TJ’s knees, resting his chin on them. “What if I suck at being responsible?”

TJ smiles softly at him. He turns around to face him, sitting with his legs crossed and his forearms resting on his knees. “Cyrus, you’re the most responsible person I know. If there’s anyone who can succeed at being an adult, it’s you.” He ruffles his hair. “You’ll do fine. I promise.”

“Okay,” Cyrus whispers. He closes his eyes for a second. “Hey, TJ?”

“Yeah, Underdog?”

He opens them again and lifts his head up too. “What other stuff do you have?”

“What do you mean?”

“You told me you had ‘stuff’ to deal with. Are there any others? You know, other than the dyscalculia thing?”

TJ hesitates before lying back down on his pillow and extending his legs. “You really want to know?”

Cyrus nods.

TJ is silent for a moment. He turns around so that he’s on his back, staring at the ceiling, and folds his arms behind his head. “I never had a best friend before you.”

“Really?”

TJ nods, still not meeting his eyes. “I mean, I had a few friends in elementary school, but they never really stuck around. I just hung out with whoever will put up with me for the day. And when I went to middle school, they all just stuck with their best friends and didn’t really hang out with me anymore. The basketball team was where I found people closest to what I’d call friends. But really, they were just teammates, and they only sat with me at lunch because I was their captain. There was never really anyone I can trust with my secrets and stuff. Well, except for Amber, but she was too busy trying to be popular to make time for me back then.”

“Oh.” Cyrus stays silent, processing the information for a few beats. “They really missed out,” he says after a while. “You’re a great friend.”

TJ turns his head to look at him. “Yeah?”

Cyrus smiles at him. “Without a doubt. Andi and Buffy may be my best friends for nine years and running, but you’re the best guy friend I’ve ever had.”

TJ grins. “Even better than Jonah?”

Cyrus nods then ducks his head. “Don’t tell him though.”

TJ laughs. “I won’t.” He smiles gently at him, and it was one of those smiles that makes Cyrus’s stomach do cartwheels. “Thanks, Cyrus.”

“You’re welcome.”

 

* * *

 

Sometimes TJ is late coming home from work, and on those days, Cyrus still goes to his house after school. It’s nice, TJ’s house. It’s not as big as his own, but it’s still homey, with Christmas lights strung up against the windows and walls full of pictures, paintings and tapestries. There’s always something to look at whenever he’s there.

But what Cyrus likes most about TJ’s house is his mom. Mrs. Kippen is always there to greet him when he comes over and recently, after watching him sit down to do homework all on his own every day TJ still is late from work, she’s taken up teaching him how to cook just to pass the time.

Cyrus has never had to make lunch for himself all on his own, mostly because he’s relied on baby taters for lunch for the past six years. But he’s excited to try and Mrs. Kippen, Cyrus finds, is an excellent cook and an even better teacher. By the end of the first month, he’s helped make lunch seven times. People say food always tastes better when you make it yourself, but Cyrus never believed it until now. Lunch that he made with TJ's mom is way better than getting baby taters at the Spoon, Cyrus thinks to himself, though he’ll never admit that out loud.

Perhaps the best part, Cyrus thinks, is how much TJ seems to like the food too. He knows TJ already likes it because it is his mom’s food after all, but Cyrus still helped, and knowing TJ likes it with Cyrus’s assistance makes him feel strangely proud of himself.

One time, after TJ tells him he has to work an extra hour at the gym because the idiot who was supposed to take the next shift didn’t bother to show up, Cyrus makes TJ’s favorite food all by himself, with Mrs. Kippen giving him directions and no other help. TJ’s face when he finally gets home melts from scorn and indignation to one of happy surprise.

“Thank you Cyrus,” he tells him before he even sits down, and Cyrus can only describe his tone as _touched._ Cyrus’s grin doesn’t leave him for the rest of the day.

 

* * *

 

Cyrus hasn’t forgotten his promise to Buffy that he’ll never miss any one of her games anymore. Of course he won’t—he’s her number one fan. The game she's playing today is far more exciting than the one he missed would have been anyway, since the opposing team can actually play.

Or, at least, that’s what Buffy says. Cyrus is just there for moral support—he still can’t differentiate between a bad player and a good one, but he’ll take Buffy’s word for it.

Everyone else is here too: Andi, Jonah, TJ, Walker—the whole gang. They’re the loudest people in the audience, especially since Cyrus brought the megaphones that he’s had since seventh grade.

It’s nice having all his friends together to hang out. For the past few weeks, Cyrus hung out with TJ for four days and everyone else for the remaining three, but now they’re all here. He’d like it to involve less screaming, but he’ll take what he can get. He’s content. Less guilty. It feels normal.

Buffy’s team wins the game. No one is surprised, but they all go and scream their congratulations anyway and hug each other.

In the midst of all the excitement, Cyrus goes and blindly hugs the closest person to him, tightly. Whoever it is has really strong arms, and a nice chest. And they smell really nice. Somehow, Cyrus knows it’s TJ before he even looks up to see who it is.

He doesn’t think much of it until he goes home, tired and sleepy, and the last thing he remembers before falling asleep is how today is the first time TJ and him have actually hugged. It was nice.

 

* * *

 

Cyrus is bored.

He’s currently lying across TJ’s bed on his stomach, with his chin tucked into his palms and his elbows digging into the mattress as he watches TJ aimlessly scroll through his phone instead of talking to him. He sighs and drops his head so that it hangs off the bed as he tries to think of a way to get him to talk to him again.

It’s become somewhat routine for both of them to hang out at each other’s houses for far longer than is necessary, so it’s not unusual for them to just hang around in each other’s rooms without really doing anything. But Cyrus is so _bored_ , and he doesn’t want to watch TV or read a book because they’re just going to make him even more bored. He just wants to talk to TJ, because TJ is so _interesting._ Especially when he’s talking about basketball or history.

It took him a while to figure it out, but history is TJ’s secret passion. He’s never heard someone talk more animatedly about the Renaissance period than TJ does, especially about all the beautiful art and literature and _music_ that was flourishing back then.

Cyrus wants to hit himself for not realizing it sooner, because TJ’s bookshelves are literally seventy percent history books, and Cyrus still hasn’t come across a question from his history homework that TJ can’t answer. He contemplates on whether or not he should ask TJ if he thinks Michelangelo was gay or not just to hear him talk, but even though Cyrus loves watching and listening to TJ talk on and on about history, he’d rather listen to him talk more about himself.

“When did you know you were gay?” he asks instead, lifting his torso up and putting his weight on his elbows.

TJ looks up at Cyrus from his chair, taking his eyes away from his phone.

“Why?” he asks.

Cyrus shrugs. “I just want to know.”

TJ tilts his head to the left as he thinks about it a little bit. He always does that when he has to really think about his answer, Cyrus notices. It’s kind of cute, actually, and it makes Cyrus want to ask him more questions just to see him do it again.

“I don’t know. It wasn’t really like a one-time thing. Like, I didn’t just realize it on one specific day. It was kind of a gradual thing, I guess. I just remember that I just thought about boys a lot and thought they were cute. I guess I only realized that not all guys really do that when everyone on my team kept talking about their crushes on girls and when they asked me what my ideal girlfriend is like, I didn’t really have much of an answer. I remember thinking that I’d rather marry a boy than go out with a girl.”

Cyrus lets out a small laugh.

“What about you?”

Cyrus hesitates. “I think I knew when I realized that Jonah and Andi were going to be together and I felt jealous,” he says, and immediately starts feeling guilty, which is ridiculous because there’s nothing to be guilty about.

“You had a crush on Jonah?” TJ’s expression is unreadable.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“But not anymore,” he scrambles to say, getting himself up on the bed and sitting on his knees. “That crush ended years ago. We’re just really good friends now. I just realized I like boys because of him. Like, a fist bump with him made me feel more than when my girlfriend kissed me.”

“Okay.”

They stay silent for a minute, and Cyrus is afraid that TJ’s going to go back to his phone and this short two-minute conversation is all that he gets from TJ before he has to go home and be bored alone. He racks his brain for another question.

“How come you’ve never been in a relationship before?” he asks.

TJ laughs. “Why do you keep asking so many questions, Underdog?”

“Because you’re not talking to me, and I’m bored. This is boring. Just sitting here,” he says, turning over falling on his back on the bed with his head hanging over to look at TJ upside down.

TJ smiles and puts away his phone and Cyrus’s heart does a little victory dance. “Okay. I’ll talk to you then.”

“Okay.” Cyrus grins and rolls over to look at TJ the right way. “So how come you’ve never been in a relationship? Because you’re cool and smart and funny and really good-looking. People should be all over you.”

TJ laughs again, but this time it’s kind of shy and cute and Cyrus swears that there’s a pink blush forming on his TJ’s cheeks. Cyrus feels strangely proud that he can make TJ laugh like that.

“You forgot that I’m also closed off, was a pretty big jerk for a couple of years, and that I have dyscalculia. I’m not exactly boyfriend material.”

Cyrus wants to throw a pillow at TJ’s face. “Hey, if you’re anything like the boyfriend you pretend to be with me, you are definitely boyfriend material. Like, one hundred percent. You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. And you’re not even my actual boyfriend.”

“Aren’t I your only boyfriend?”

“Hey, I’ve had boyfriends in my head too. They’re imaginary. My mind made them out to be perfect, and you’re still better than them.”

TJ is smiling at him, and Cyrus is so lost in how much nicer his eyes look when he’s smiling that he nearly falls off the bed when his phone rings.

Andi is calling. She wants Cyrus to meet up with her and Buffy and Jonah at the Spoon. “You haven’t hung out with us in days. And don’t make the ‘I’m with TJ’ excuse. If you really don’t want to leave him then just bring him along.”

Cyrus blushes and silently thanks the lord that Andi is saying this over a phone call, where TJ can’t hear.

“I have to go,” Cyrus says, putting away his phone. “I promised Andi and Buffy I’d meet them at the Spoon and I’m already late.”

“Okay,” TJ smiles at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Cyrus nods, gathering his bookbag. “Yep.”

“Cool.”

“Okay.” Cyrus turns around and puts his hand on the doorknob. He hesitates, contemplating on whether or not he should take up Andi’s offer. He turns around to look at him again. “Hey, TJ?”

TJ looks up at him. “Yeah, Cyrus?”

Cyrus hesitates. Buffy and Andi haven’t hung out with TJ in a while. They’ll want to see him too, right? “Do you want to come with me?” he asks.

TJ smiles. “Sure.”

“Okay.” Cyrus says. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm sorry it took so long to post this but I hope you like this chapter. Hopefully, chapter 5 will be up soon too, if I don't get drowned in schoolwork. Also, thank you guys so much for leaving kudos and comments. I really appreciate them and they all make my day. THANK YOUUU! <3333


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, I'm really sorry for not posting in so long. I got caught up in a lot of schoolwork so I didn't have a lot of time to write. but I was able to put this chapter together so hopefully no hard feelings? i love you all and thank you for your support. :)

“Hey guys,” Jonah greets them with a cheeky grin as he takes a seat next to Andi.

They’re at their usual booth at the Spoon and Cyrus can’t help but look out of the window, watching to see if TJ is going to stop by before going on his shift at the gym. He’s been really busy lately, especially since he’s trying to prepare for Amber coming home during spring break.

“Who are you looking for?” Jonah questions him when he glances out the window for the fifth time.

“TJ probably,” Buffy answers for him. Cyrus glares at her. She’s not wrong, though. He can’t argue with her.

“Oh, is he joining us?” Jonah asks.

“He would if Cyrus called him,” Andi says, smirking at Cyrus.

“No, he has a shift at the gym.” Cyrus chooses to ignore her smirk.

“Yeah, and their next date isn’t until Monday.”

“Buffy!” Cyrus hisses.

Jonah looks at him with a perplexed expression. “Oh yeah. I’ve heard around the school that you’re… dating TJ?”

“Fake dating. It’s… complicated.”

“Cyrus and TJ needed to find a way to come out to their parents and apparently pretending to date each other was the best idea that they had,” Andi explains for him.

“Oh. That’s cool, I guess. So how long are you guys supposed to be fake dating for?”

“Only about two months.”

“Well, you’re more than halfway there,” Buffy tells him.

“Yeah.” For some reason, that reminder gives Cyrus a sinking feeling in his stomach. He thinks about how often they hang out at each other’s houses now, and how much he really enjoys learning to cook with TJ’s mom, and how endearing it is to see TJ playing board games with Cyrus’s parents. All four of them. He’s going to miss all of that when they finally break up.

Fake break up.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear the bell ringing, signaling that someone has just walked into the Spoon. He’s only startled out of his thoughts when he hears a familiar voice say “Hey guys. Have you ordered the baby taters yet?”

Cyrus turns around, startled, and exclaims “TJ!” way too excitedly. He’s embarrassed for a second but TJ smiles and gives him a soft “Hey, Underdog,” and suddenly, it’s worth it.

“Don’t you have to start your shift right now?” Buffy asks him.

“Hello to you, too, Buffy.”

Buffy glares at him.

“And, it actually starts in about ten minutes, but I’m starving.” He grabs a few of Cyrus’s baby taters when the waitress brings them in with a cocky grin, but Cyrus lets him have it without a fight.

“Can I come with you?” Cyrus whispers.

“Where?”

“To the gym. Your job.”

“Sure, but, you sure you don’t have anything to do? I thought you had a history test tomorrow.”

“No, I already studied for that.” Cyrus isn’t lying. He already studied for it with TJ when they hung out in his bedroom for the last couple of days. Cyrus wishes he’d studied for all of his history exams with TJ.

“Okay. Sure. Do you want to go now?”

“Yeah.”

Buffy and Andi give Cyrus a knowing look when they both get up to leave, but Cyrus ignores them. Jonah waves at them with a grin like he always does.

Cyrus really likes the kids that TJ works with. They’re sweet and funny and they always call him “Uncle Cyrus”, which, normally, Cyrus would try to argue and say that he’s not old enough to be warranted the title of ‘Uncle’, but with these kids he doesn’t have the heart to tell them to stop. He’s been playing with them for at least an hour when one of the kids comes up to him and asks, “Uncle Cyrus, are you going to marry TJ?”

The question confuses Cyrus more than it startles him. The girl is probably about five years old, but still, Cyrus didn’t think kids her age even know what marriage is.

“Do you love TJ too?” she asks.

“Too?”

The kids keep giggling at him and asking him questions about when and where they’re getting married, and it isn’t until TJ gets back from his bathroom break that they finally run away in a fit of giggles.

“Is everything okay?” TJ asks him, noticing the bizarre look on his face.

“Uh, yeah,” Cyrus says. “How do these kids know about us?”

TJ’s eyes seem to widen, and he stutters when he asks “What do you mean?”

“They kept asking if we’re going to marry and if I’m in love with you too?”

TJ looks away immediately and starts picking up the hoola hoops littering the floor even though clean up time isn’t for another hour. “Oh, that, I just, uh, thought that, if, our parents came by at my work or something, this might help not blow our cover or something. Yeah. Cuz, you know, kids don’t have a filter and I don’t want them to, uh, say something that would make my mom, or your parents, suspicious. Um, yeah.”

Cyrus thinks that situation might be unlikely, mostly because both their parents work during his usual shifts, but he appreciates his dedication to their scheme and doesn’t think too much of it. He doesn’t mind anyway. He secretly likes being teased by jumping five-year olds.

 

* * *

 

TJ has never been shy about putting his arm around Cyrus’s shoulders even before they started their boyfriends act. And when Cyrus grabs his arm and holds it against him because it’s a little cold outside, or when he leans into his shoulder when he’s tired or watching a movie that’s making him a bit jumpy, TJ lets him.

But perhaps Cyrus is crossing a line when, on Friday night, he climbs onto TJ’s bed where TJ is working on his computer and puts his head on TJ’s lap. He’s way too tired and sleep-deprived to care, though.

“Are you okay, Cyrus?” TJ asks him softly, moving his arms and laptop so Cyrus can fit his head snugly onto his lap.

“Had … an all-nighter,” Cyrus explains between yawns. “Tired.”

“Okay.”

He doesn’t wake up until much later, when the room is dark and his head is resting against a pillow in a room he realizes isn’t his own. He can hear someone breathing next him and for a second, fear strikes him, until he remembers that he was and still is in TJ’s room and he calms down. Then he remembers that he had been resting his head on TJ’s lap and his face starts to heat up in embarrassment. He checks his phone to see what time it is, and he lets out a small shriek when the time shows that it’s almost four am.

The body next to him moves and grunts. “Cyrus?” TJ’s voice comes out groggy and thick with sleep, but his hand moves past Cyrus’s head to reach the lamp beside his bed, and Cyrus’s heartbeat quickens when he can smell TJ’s cologne as he does it.

His heart beats even faster when light floods the room and TJ’s face is only centimeters away from his own for a few, but very long, seconds, until TJ falls on his elbows and looks up at Cyrus a safe distance away.

“You okay?” he asks.

Cyrus nods. Then he remembers that he overstayed and shakes his head vigorously. “It’s four am!” he shouts in a whisper. “My parents are going to kill me!”

TJ closes his eyes and smiles. “Don’t worry,” he says, letting his head fall back on the pillow. “You were asleep for about three hours and I didn’t think you were going to wake up soon, so I called them and told them you’ll be staying over. They said it was okay. As long as we, you know, don’t do actual boyfriend stuff.”

Cyrus turns red as he realizes what his parents had meant. “Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah obviously. Th-thanks. I wasn’t- I mean, I didn’t mean to sleep over. I was just really tired because I didn’t get to sleep last night and, I’m sorry. I know I overstayed and now I just woke you up so-”

TJ cuts him off with a laugh. The laugh is nice, even though it is deep and hoarse from the sudden interruption of sleep. “Don’t worry, Cyrus. It’s not a problem. You don’t need to be sorry. You can sleep here for as long as you want, and I’ll drop you off at your house in the morning after breakfast. Okay?”

“Thanks,” Cyrus whispers.

TJ smiles a little, his eyes still closed, and it doesn’t go away even though Cyrus is sure he fell asleep a few minutes later.

Cyrus texts his parents, explaining that TJ would drop him off tomorrow, even though he’s pretty sure TJ has already told them that when he called them while he was still asleep. He turns off the lights and lies back down on the bed, but he couldn’t fall back asleep.

He just thinks about what TJ did, even though he didn’t have to, and what it all means—if it even means anything— and just listens to TJ breathing next to him until he hears TJ’s mom knocking on the bedroom door and telling them to get ready for breakfast.

 

* * *

 

TJ’s basketball games have started to become way more frequent, especially since the team is nearing playoffs. He’s having a lot of away games too, some so far that Cyrus is worried he won’t be back until at least nine at night.

And on top of that, practice lasts way longer, too. So long that Cyrus doesn’t even get to hang out with him when he goes over to his house on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and TJ rarely has time to come over to Cyrus’s.

It’s only been a little more than a week but Cyrus misses him. They haven’t even been texting enough. Perhaps he’s being selfish, but Cyrus just wants a day to be with him. Just to have fun.

“When’s basketball season ending?” He asks TJ one day when he meets him by his locker.

“What? Are you wishing for its end already?” TJ chuckles.

“No. I’m just asking.” Cyrus pulls on his backpack strap. “We haven’t hung out in a while.”

“Aw, you miss me? That’s so sweet.” TJ gives him a cheeky grin.

Cyrus frowns. “Hey. I’m being serious. Do you know how many times I had to spend hours at your house alone because you were too busy playing basketball?” He pokes TJ’s side and says “You’re pretty much having an affair right now.”

TJ laughs loudly, throwing his body forward and gripping on to his locker door to keep balance. Cyrus wants to make him laugh like that again. “What? With basketball?”

“Yep.” Cyrus nods.

“You can rest assured that basketball is just a friend and nothing more,” TJ tells him, still grinning and fighting back another laugh.

“Prove it,” Cyrus says, stepping closer to him. TJ raises his eyebrows at him and his smile turns into a little smirk that sends Cyrus’s heart racing. It’s exhilarating, standing this close to TJ. There’s barely three inches between them, and Cyrus can smell TJ’s cologne and look close enough into his eyes to see the tiny specks of gold in the sea of green.

“Okay,” TJ says. “Why don’t I take you to the movies this afternoon?”

Cyrus pretends to think it over and shrugs. “Fine. But you’re paying, and I get to choose the movie.”

TJ laughs at that. A full laugh, just like the last one. “Okay, Underdog,” TJ tells him. “Whatever you say.”

Cyrus crosses his arms, lifts up his chin and says, haughtily, “I’ll be ready at seven.” He pushes against TJ’s chest with his finger. “Don’t be late.”

TJ’s eyebrows rise even higher and his smile is ten times more smug. Cyrus can feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins when he says “I won’t.”

 

* * *

  

Cyrus leans against TJ as they walk home from the theaters. He’d taken the opportunity of choosing the movie to make TJ watch Love, Simon for the first time, and even though he’s not usually into romcoms, TJ enjoyed this one. Part of it, he has to admit, is because of how excited Cyrus was to see him react to just about every scene in the movie. He nearly shouted when he saw tears forming in TJ’s eyes.

It seems that Cyrus wasted most of his energy in the theaters though, because he can barely stay awake enough to walk home properly, and the freezing air doesn’t seem to be helping matters at all.

“Can you carry me?” he mumbles into TJ’s sleeve.

“It’s only ten pm. Are you sleepy already?” TJ asks.

Cyrus groans and leans even more onto TJ’s arm, so much that TJ even stumbles a little to the side. “Please?” he whines.

TJ sighs and crouches down so that Cyrus can wrap his arms around his neck and climb on his back. TJ adjusts Cyrus’s legs so that they are securely around his waist before continuing to carry him back to his house. Hopefully, Cyrus will wake up by the time they actually do reach his house because, even though Cyrus is pretty lightweight, TJ can’t walk the extra six blocks to Cyrus’s house. He would rather drive him. He rather likes driving Cyrus home.

Cyrus’s head is snuggled in the crook of TJ’s neck, and TJ can feel his small hot breaths against his ear. He adjusts Cyrus a bit because he began to slide off, and Cyrus tightens his hold around TJ’s neck. TJ walks all the way up to his front porch.

“Cyrus,” he whispers, twisting his neck ever so slightly to make sure Cyrus hears him. “We’re here.”

Cyrus grunts and snuggles closer against TJ. “Cyrus, come on,” TJ whispers again, slightly louder this time, “you need to get back home remember?”

Cyrus hums a little before sighing softly and gently whispers “Thank you,” into TJ’s ear. He slides off of TJ and rubs his eyes. But then he leans his forehead back against TJ’s shoulder and sighs again. “I’m still tired.”

TJ chuckles softly. “I’ll drive you home and you can sleep for as long as you want on your bed.”

Cyrus grunts again. “No,” he says, with a whiny voice.

“Do you want to eat something first?”

Cyrus nods, his forehead rubbing against TJ’s shoulder.

TJ opens his front door with his key and drags Cyrus inside. Cyrus immediately falls onto the couch and curls up by its armrest, eyes closed and knees pulled up to his chest. He looks adorable. TJ wishes he could take a picture or something and keep it forever. He wants to stand there looking at him until he’s too tired to stay awake himself.

 _That’s weird_ , a voice in his brain tells him. _You’re only supposed to get him food, remember? Don’t be creepy._

Right. Food. TJ gently shakes Cyrus’s arm, making him scrunch his face and whine “What?”

“My mom told me she has leftover pasta in the fridge. Do you want that or something else?”

“Pasta’s good,” Cyrus mumbles. He yawns widely and goes back to his fetal position.

TJ’s mom texted him earlier about going out for an errand as he was coming back, so she may not be home when he gets there. It’s not unusual for his mom to go shopping out late at night so he doesn't think too much of it. He’s in the middle of reheating the pasta when he hears the doorbell ring.

Cyrus drags himself off the couch and mumbles “I got it,” rubbing his eyes and stifling another yawn. TJ goes back to his pasta, setting down three plates on the dinner table so his mom, Cyrus and he can all eat together before he drops Cyrus off.

He nearly drops all three plates when he hears Cyrus scream.

“Cyrus?” He runs out of the kitchen and into the living room, confused and scared for his friend at the same time.

Then he sees Amber and nearly goes into shock.

“Amber!” He grabs her and pulls her into a hug that nearly kills her, not caring that she hasn’t even put down her bags yet.

“Oh my god, I love you too, little bro but I’m gonna die if you don’t let go,” she tells him in a muffled voice.

TJ lets go and apologizes. “I thought you weren’t going to be back until spring break.”

Amber shrugs. “I wanted to surprise you.”

TJ looks behind her at his mom. “Did you know about this?”

His mom chuckles. “Obviously,” she says and ruffles his hair.

“Oh and,” Amber says, a twinkle in her eye, “I heard that you and this one over here are dating.” She pinches Cyrus’s cheek and pulls him into a hug. “Mom told me all about you two.”

“Trust me, she didn’t tell you everything,” TJ whispers, but Amber doesn’t hear.

She and Cyrus strike up conversation that doesn’t end until an hour later, when they’ve all finished eating and TJ and Cyrus are getting ready to leave. They decide to walk instead, since Cyrus is wide awake now and can walk on his own instead of needing to be carried. Amber offers to go with them but TJ refuses and is backed up by his mom, who tells her to go take a shower and sleep first, much to Amber’s annoyance.

“Do you think we should tell her?” Cyrus asks once they’re outside.

TJ shakes his head. “She’s not the best at keeping secrets from mom. They’re too close for her to hide something like this. Besides. It’ll be too much to explain, and she’ll probably be disappointed in how we confronted our coming out problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’ll accuse us of being cliche.”

Cyrus bursts into laughter. “I missed her so much,” he says when he finally calms down.

“Me too.”

They talk until they’re only a few houses away from Cyrus’s, when Cyrus suddenly falls quiet. TJ can tell he has something on his mind that’s bothering him, but he doesn’t need to ask what it is.

Cyrus turns to him when they reach his house and says “I just realized. We were supposed to break up today.”

“Oh,” TJ says softly, and his heart sinks.

“Fake break up,” Cyrus corrects himself, and TJ’s heart sinks even more.

“Right.” TJ looks away. He knows the breakup is inevitable; they have to do it at some point. He’s just not ready for it to be so soon. “So, what? Are we going to do it now?”

Cyrus clears his throat. “Um. Actually. I was wondering. Is it okay if we postpone the breakup?”

TJ hesitates. He doesn’t trust his heart. “Why?”

Cyrus looks down. “I just… feel like it’s a bit too soon. I mean, do most breakups happen after only two months?”

“I don’t know, Underdog. I’ve never been in a relationship, remember?”

“And with Amber coming back, it just doesn’t seem like the right time.” He looks up at him. “Right?”

TJ nods. “Right.”

“Okay. Well, I don’t know, it’ll probably seem too suspicious if we stop now. So, we should probably postpone, just for a little bit, until we find the right time to do it.”

TJ hesitates. Cyrus bites his lip. “Okay.”

Cyrus smiles. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Bye.” TJ watches him walk into his house and close the front door behind him. Then he walks home with his hands in his pockets, wishing the mixed feelings of dread and hope in his chest would just go away.

 

* * *

 

Cyrus doesn’t notice that TJ is in his house when he comes home from school. There’s only two more days before spring break, and with Amber home and his basketball coach trying to squeeze in as much practice as he can in the last few days, Cyrus doesn’t expect to see TJ at all for the whole week. Which is why he is equal parts surprised and confused to hear his voice coming in from his parents’ bedroom. The door is slightly open, so he peeks through the small crack to see his stepdad and TJ folding the laundry.

“How long did you know?” His stepdad asks.

“Since middle school,” TJ says as he finishes folding a shirt. “I think I only realized the day he came and talked to me when I wasn’t allowed to play basketball for failing math, but I think it started before that too. I don’t know. He was just so nice and caring, even when he didn’t need to be. I mean, I was terrible to his best friend, but he still tried to treat me like I was a good person. And every time I was with him, I wanted to be one.” He shrugs. “Cyrus is just special like that.”

“Sometimes the people we love bring out the best in us,” Cyrus’s stepdad remarks.

“Yeah,” TJ says, and Cyrus is pretty sure he’s smiling a little.

Cyrus steps away from the door and leans against the wall, trying to get his heart to stop beating so much. TJ doesn’t mean that, he tells himself. He’s just trying to make everything more believable.

 _Do you want it to be real?_ A voice that sounds suspiciously like Buffy asks him in his head.

Cyrus crushes that voice into silence without answering it.

 

* * *

 

“I thought you had basketball practice today,” Cyrus says to TJ when they’re finally alone, doing homework together at Cyrus’s house.

“No, there’s no practice for the rest of the week. Coach is going on vacation in Poland and apparently he booked an early fight cuz it was the cheapest.”

“Oh, cool.” Cyrus nods and goes back to work. He lasts a full minute before he looks up again. “Hey,” he whispers.

“What?” TJ whispers back.

“That was a really good backstory back there.”

TJ looks confused. “What do you mean?”

“The thing you were telling my stepdad earlier. About how you liked me since middle school. It sounded really realistic. You really are a good storyteller,” Cyrus says, grinning at TJ.

“Yeah,” TJ says, staring straight down at his homework and not meeting Cyrus’s eyes. “Right.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Cyrus is vaguely sure of what prompted him to buy TJ a vinyl record out of nowhere, but he doesn’t want to admit it. It’s been three days since spring break officially started, which means three days since they’ve talked to each other. As well as five missed calls and seven unread text messages. At one point, Cyrus was afraid that TJ was in an accident or something and that was why he hadn’t been answering to anything — because he was in the hospital. But he saw him walking out of his house with Amber the next day, when Cyrus was lingering around his block, deciding whether or not he should go and ask Ms. Kippen if anything was up.

So he simply decided that TJ was just trying to spend more time with his sister. That’s believable enough.

But maybe he is a bit selfish, because here he is, standing in front of the Kippen’s front door, holding a gift in his hand as an excuse to see TJ. He silently contemplates turning around and running away, but decides that he doesn’t want to be a coward. So, he takes a deep breath and exhales, then rings the doorbell twice before remembering that it’s been broken for two years. He wipes his sweaty palms on his pants, raises a closed fist and knocks on the door, right when it opens.

TJ looks down at Cyrus’s fist, which is centimeters away from his chest, then at his face, raising an eyebrow.

Cyrus lets out a small, embarrassed laugh and lowers his hand. “Hi,” he says shyly.

“Hi, Underdog,” TJ says, smiling, as if he hasn’t been ignoring him for three days. “What are you doing here?” he asks, casually, as if Cyrus hadn’t just knocked on his chest thirty seconds ago.

“I was just passing by,” Cyrus says, which isn’t a complete lie. He did have to pass by TJ’s house to get to the Red Rooster. “And I also wanted to give you something.”

He holds out the bag for TJ to take, which TJ does, curiously peering inside. “You got me a record?” he says, face molding into something gentle and touched.

“You told me this was your favorite band,” Cyrus says, still a little shy, and he’s not sure why. It’s not that uncommon of him to get random gifts for his friends. And he just happened to remember the old vinyl record player TJ’s mom still had from her grandfather that TJ said he still uses to play music. And the Red Rooster was right there when he remembered. So, clearly, fate had thought long and hard and made him buy it on impulse just to see his friend again. That’s the only explanation.

TJ closes the bag and smiles at him, his eyes ten times warmer and face ten times brighter, and says “Thank you, Cyrus. I love it.”

Cyrus grins. “You’re welcome.”

TJ puts his gift in his backpack and that’s when Cyrus realizes that TJ looks like he’s ready to go somewhere.

“I was about to go meet some of my teammates to play basketball. Do you want to come?” TJ asks, shouldering his backpack.

Cyrus shakes his head. “I’m not the best person to bring along for a basketball game so I’ll pass.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. I can teach you how to play.”

“It’s going to take you years to do that.”

TJ laughs and swings an arm around Cyrus’s shoulder. “Come on, Underdog. It’s easy. I’ll help you out. And my whole team loves you. They’ll help too.”

Cyrus sighs. “Fine. But if I’m unable to make a shot within the first fifteen minutes, I’m sitting out for the rest of the game.”

Cyrus doesn’t actually make a shot within the first fifteen minutes. Or the first half an hour, in fact. But TJ and his friends won’t let him leave, not that he wants to anyway. He’s having fun. A lot of fun. Which is unusual because he wouldn’t usually put sports and fun together, especially not when he’s playing.

There are only three other guys there: Ryan, Jason, and Tyrone. Cyrus remembers Tyrone from middle school. Him and Buffy had become friends after he stood up for her when TJ refused to pass her the ball back when he was a jerk. He’s also the only other junior since Ryan and Jason are seniors, just like TJ. But they’re all really nice to him, even though he is slow at picking up on how to play basketball. Cyrus suspects it’s only because he’s TJ’s friend, but he’s still glad to be there. It’s way more fun than what he was originally planning to do for the day, which mostly consists of staying at home and watching Netflix for three hours.

It’s after almost forty minutes that he is finally able to shoot a goal, and when he does, all of the boys erupt into cheers. Jason carries Cyrus on his shoulders while Ryan and Tyrone cup their hands around their mouth and holler as though they were sports show hosts reporting a major victory. Cyrus looks over at TJ, who’s grinning at him with a proud face, his eyes dancing and hands clapping for him, and Cyrus wants to hug him all of a sudden. So, right after Jason bent down to place Cyrus back on the floor, he jumps onto TJ, wrapping his legs around his knees. TJ staggers a little in surprise but he hugs Cyrus back and holds onto him so that Cyrus can move until he is comfortably hanging on to TJ. When Cyrus pulls his head back a little so he can look TJ in the face, he realizes exactly how close he is to TJ’s face: barely three inches. TJ is still grinning but his eyes are trained on Cyrus, and they hold something Cyrus can’t fully decipher.

“Ooooh,” someone coos from behind them.

“There’s a motel a block away if you guys need a room,” Cyrus hears Tyrone remark, followed by a bunch of snickers.

Cyrus jumps down from TJ, embarrassed, but that doesn’t make anything better.

“Aw look, Cap’s blushing,” Jason coos, right before TJ throws a basketball at his face.

“Shut up, asshole,” he mutters. Cyrus looks over at him and sure enough, TJ is blushing. It’s kind of hard to see, because the color is so light and doesn’t show much on his cheeks, but the tips of his ears get really red, and TJ looks kind of cute when he’s blushing, Cyrus thinks.

“I never thought I’d see the day when TJ Kippen is blushing and head over heels for someone. The day has come and-” Ryan dramatically puts a hand over his chest and feigns fainting, but TJ screams “I SAID SHUT UP!” and tackles him to the ground, and Ryan screeches and begs Cyrus to save him.

Cyrus has half a mind to actually help, but it’s hard when he’s on the ground too, crying from laughter.

“Your friends are really cool,” Cyrus tells TJ when they’re walking back home two hours later.

“They’re assholes,” TJ says, but there is also a certain fondness in his voice that makes Cyrus so proud just to see TJ go and make friends of his own that he likes and who like him. It’s just a very endearing thing.

“I really like hanging out with them though. They’re really nice. And Ryan’s also in videography club. Which I knew, of course, since he’s always there at meetings, but I never actually got to talk to him until now.”

TJ shrugs. “Ryan’s kind of a quiet guy usually. But he’s also a huge brat when he’s just with us. I’m glad you like them, though. They really like you too. Everyone on the team does. I think they like you more than me.”

“That’s not true.” Cyrus tells him. “You can actually play basketball.”

“And now you can too.”

“Barely. But I appreciate the hype.”

TJ laughs and throws his arm around Cyrus’s neck again. “We should hang out tomorrow,” he says. “Movies? Amber said she really wanted to go see one together with you.”

Cyrus grins. “You know I can’t say no to free movies.”

“Who said anything about it being free?”

“I did.” Cyrus pokes TJ’s ribs. “It’s the least you can do after ignoring me for three days.”

 

* * *

 

Spring break goes a lot more quickly after their movie date. No, not date. Just an outing. With friends. Amber was there. And TJ even invited Buffy, Andi, Jonah and Walker. He didn’t pay for all of them, of course. Just Cyrus. But no one else needs to know about that.

After that day, Cyrus has someone to hang out with almost everyday. Even if it isn’t TJ, he’s happy. Because at least TJ’s not ignoring him anymore.

On the last day before school starts, Andi and Amber are the only ones free to hang out with Cyrus, and they all agreed to meet at Andi’s house. Cyrus is delighted, because Andi has the most comfortable couch out of all of his friends.

“Did you bring the popcorn?” Andi asks as soon as she opens the door.

“Yes. And chocolate chip cookies.” Cyrus grins, holding up a shopping bag full of junk food.

“I knew you would,” Andi says, opening the door wider for him. Cyrus steps inside and sets the bag on the dining table.

“Amber said she’ll be here in a few minutes,” he tells Andi as he unpacks the food. “She’s bringing the soda.”

“Okay.” Andi holds up two CDs. “Studio Ghibli or Marvel?”

“Love, Simon.”

Andi sighs and drops her arms. “You’ve watched that like fifteen times.”

“Only nine actually. But Amber says she’s only seen it once.”

“So?”

“What do you mean ‘So?’,” Cyrus exclaims. “She’s a lesbian! And she’s only seen it once! She’s starving from the lack of homosexual representation.”

Andi rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t argue, choosing to get comfortable on the couch instead. “Whatever,” she says. “Speaking of homosexuals,” she looks over the top of the couch at Cyrus, “how is it with you and TJ?”

“Good,” Cyrus says. “We played mini golf together yesterday. It was so much fun. I won by a landslide. And TJ was so mad because he had to buy me ice cream since he lost, but I don’t think he was really mad. He just pretends to be that way a lot beca—”

“No, Cyrus.” Andi shakes her head and gets up on her knees, putting her arms on the headrest. “I meant how did it go with the breakup?”

“Oh,” Cyrus says in a small voice.

“Yeah, like, did your parents take it okay? I mean, you guys are still able to hang out like friends, so I’m assuming your parents believed the whole ‘we’re better off as friends’ thing.”

Cyrus opens the box of cookies and takes one out. “Well,” he says meekly, handing the cookie over to Andi, “we actually didn’t…”

“Unless they think you guys had a gay phase this whole time which would be such a disappointment since you guys went through, like, two whole months of fake dating and now you’re back to square one.” She takes a bite out of the cookie, waiting for Cyrus to respond.

“We didn’t break up,” Cyrus admits.

“Cyrus!”

“We’re just postponing it for a little bit,” Cyrus assures her, taking his seat on the couch. “And don’t worry, we can all hang out together instead of just me and TJ going to each other’s houses.”

“It’s not that, Cyrus,” Andi says, scooting over to make more room for her friend. “It’s just weird. I mean, you keep putting so much effort into a relationship that’s not even real. Didn’t you ever feel like you wanted to save something for a real relationship?”

“Well...no,” Cyrus says quietly.

“Come on, Cyrus. Doesn’t it feel strange that you’re going on dates and being affectionate and spending a lot of time with the parents of someone who’s only supposed to be your fake boyfriend? Wouldn’t you rather do all that with your real boyfriend?”

“TJ is one of my best friends. I don’t mind doing all that stuff with him.”

“What about your first kiss?”

“Andi! We never kissed!”

Andi opens her mouth to say more, but the doorbell rings before she can get any words in. “We’ll talk later,” she says before opening the front door.”

“Hey,” Amber grins at them. “I brought soda.”

Cyrus leaves the commentary to the girls while he sits in apprehension for the entirety of the movie, and when it ends, he is the first to leave, grabbing his jacket and rushing out the door using last-minute school homework as an excuse. He feels really shitty about it too, since this is one of the few times he can properly spend time with Amber, but he has to get out of there. He knows Andi would have found some way to keep him there to talk about his weird relationship if he didn’t leave early enough, and he really doesn’t want to do that right now. Yet, he can’t seem to get his mind off of what she was telling him either. Maybe they are going too far with this fake relationship.

 

* * *

 

“Are you busy on Friday?” TJ asks Cyrus. They’re sitting on his bed, with Cyrus leaning against the wall and TJ leaning against the headrest, their toes touching, TJ occasionally playing with his feet. 

It’s barely been a week since school started, but everyone is already wishing for a break again. TJ doesn’t mind as much, though. Evenings after school are way better than a full day of boredom in his opinion.

Cyrus looks up from his book. “Um, I think so. Why?”

TJ keeps playing with his feet and he feels kind of sheepish as he says “Well, there’s a basketball game this Friday, and it’s our biggest match of the season. We’re actually going against our rival school, who’s been beating us for the last three years. But, this is actually my first game against them as captain, so…  I guess, it’s just… special.”

Cyrus smiles at him, and TJ forgets what he’s supposed to say next. “I know,” Cyrus tells him. “And I’m going to be there, if that’s what you’re asking.”

TJ smiles. “Thanks, Cyrus.”

“Besides. What would our parents think if I wasn’t there for my fake boyfriend’s biggest game?”

TJ’s smile falters a little bit. Every single time they’re together now, Cyrus keeps finding some way to remind them that their relationship is fake. That they’re doing this because of their parents. It kind of makes TJ want to scream into the void or something every time he does it. He stops playing with Cyrus’s feet and sits upright, crossing his legs instead. Math homework seems very appealing all of a sudden.

 

* * *

 

Cyrus isn’t there yet. Cyrus is never late. TJ scans the crowd for the third time, trying to find him, but he can’t find him. He can see his mom smiling at him, and Buffy is there right next to her. But Cyrus isn’t there.

The game is supposed to start in five minutes. Cyrus isn’t there yet.

The game is supposed to start in two minutes. Cyrus isn’t there yet.

The game is starting, but TJ doesn’t notice the back doors of the gym opening to let in a boy with an arm full of megaphones and some posters, and he can barely hold in his frustration when he loses the ball to the other team within the first few minutes.

TJ has been playing for the first half of the game and he’s never felt more exhausted. The score is 9:12. His team is losing, and he knows it’s all his fault. He isn’t concentrating hard enough, and his lack of focus got them to lose the ball four times to the other team’s advantage. He knows his team has been working hard for this game for weeks, and he feels like shit for letting his stupid feelings get in the way of their win.

He grabs his water bottle and drinks more than half of it in one gulp. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears, and the crowd having a cheer battle for the two teams. He looks up at them one more time, his last glimmer of hope on the line. Even that last glimmer is fading as he scans the crowd, until he lands on the boy standing next to Buffy with a megaphone in his hand, and his heart swells to the size of the sun. He and Buffy are holding up a sign with his name on it, and they’re chanting for him and their team, and he doesn’t care what they’re saying or what the sign reads. He’s just so so happy that Cyrus is there cheering for him that he feels invincible for the second half of their game.

They win by two points and the crowd erupts. TJ hugs everyone within a two-feet radius. He’s sweating and his jersey is stuck to his skin and his legs are sore but he’s excited, and the adrenaline still hasn’t worn off when Cyrus crashes into him in a hug. “You did it! You won! You won!” he screams.

“You made it!” TJ exclaims, hugging him tighter.

“I’m sorry I was late. I was getting my poster for you, but my locker was jammed.”

When they pull away, TJ panics because it was too quick of a hug and he needs to be close to Cyrus again. He can’t stop himself when he says, “Hey, my mom’s right behind you, can I-“

Cyrus crashes his lips against TJ’s before he can even finish his sentence.

It’s awkward at first because neither of them really know what to do. But, eventually Cyrus shifts so his lips are comfortably locked with TJ’s, and TJ starts moving too, following his lead, and bringing him closer by wrapping his right arm around his waist and gently bringing his left hand to his cheek.

TJ isn’t sure how much time has passed when they finally break away, his mom calling him for her own hugs and pictures. He can’t stop looking at Cyrus, though, who’s still smiling at him with a kind of daze that he’s never seen him wear before. He imagines he has the same face. He’s probably even more red than Cyrus is, heat from the game and the kiss combined.

It doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters except Cyrus. He holds eye contact with him for as long as he can, until there’s too many heads blocking him enough for him to not see Cyrus turn slowly to face Buffy, both of them speechless in shock.

 

* * *

 

“It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal, Cyrus. It’s your first kiss with a boy!”

“It was fake.”

“No, it wasn’t. You were actually kissing him. It wasn’t a fake kiss.”

“Well, it’s a fake relationship. So, it doesn’t count.” Cyrus digs his hands deeper into his pockets.

Buffy sighs. “Cyrus,” she says, softly, “are you sure it’s even fake anymore?”

Cyrus stops and looks at her. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” she says gently, “that your fake relationship is slowly turning real.”

Cyrus shakes his head. “No, it’s not.”

“Cyrus…” Buffy steps forward, her hand reaching out to hold on to his elbow, but Cyrus pulls away.

“No, it’s  _ not _ ,” he says adamantly.

“It’s okay if you have feelings for him.”

“No, it’s not! Stop saying everything is okay! It’s not okay! I’m not okay! Me liking TJ is not okay! I’m not supposed to like him! This was supposed to be fake. This was never supposed to be real!”

“Cyrus, please, just calm down.”

“I can’t calm down!” Cyrus can feel his eyes stinging and something warm trickling down his cheek. “I can’t like him!”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s TJ Kippen! He’s popular, and athletic and confident and cool and my friend! And I can’t ruin it. I can’t ruin my friendship with him.” His voice cracks at the end, and he barely chokes the rest of his sentence out. “I can’t like someone who will never like me back. Not again.”

Buffy steps forward. “You don’t know that. You don’t know how he’s feeling.”

“I don’t care. I have to stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“This!” He gestures wildly with his hands. “Our relationship. Our  _ fake _ relationship! It’s gone too far.”

Buffy calls out to him when he runs away but he ignores her, covering his ears and refusing to stop for anyone. He just wants to go home. He just wants to fix this.

 

* * *

 

“TJ?”

“Underdog. You’re still up? It’s the middle of the night.” His voice comes out clear on the other line, not groggy and tired like Cyrus had been expecting.

“Well, you’re up too.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither.”

“I can see that,” TJ chuckles.

“I’m outside your house,” Cyrus says, sighing a little. He’s exhausted. He has been trying to come up with a way to confront TJ for the last few hours, typing and re-typing long text messages and practicing phone conversations in the mirror. But he couldn’t do it. It felt wrong to do all of this over the phone.

“Again? Underdog, if you’re stressed out you can just call or something and we can talk about it. You shouldn’t be walking around alone at night.” He can hear a faint thumping from the other line as TJ’s talking, which probably means that he’s going down the stairs.

“I needed to talk to you. In person.”

The door opens just then, TJ still holding his phone to his ear, with glasses and fluffy, ungelled hair. Just like the first time Cyrus did this. “Okay,” he says, hanging up his phone, his eyes bright and mesmerizing under the moonlight. “What do you need, Cyrus?”

He looks at him with concern, and Cyrus is already starting to get overwhelmed by how soft he looks. How he tilts his head to the side just a little, leaning forward, eyebrows knit together to make those creases in his forehead. And his voice. Cyrus wants to hear his voice again. Hear him say his name again.

“We need to break up,” he blurts out. Before he can do something stupid like kiss him again without the excuse of their parents this time. Before he says something that might ruin their easy friendship and make everything awkward forever.

TJ’s look of concern fades into something between hurt and confusion and betrayal and sadness, and Cyrus feels like crying. “What?”

“We have to break up. It’s- This went on for too long. We have to stop. We have to break up.”

“What are you talking about?”

“About the plan! We were supposed to break up three weeks ago!”

“But you’re the one who wanted to postpone it! You’re the one who said it was unrealistic to break up out of nowhere when it looked like we’re actually enjoying our relationship.”

“Well, now I’m saying we should break up now. Right now. Now’s a good time.” It’s getting increasingly harder for Cyrus to talk, because there’s a lump in his throat that absolutely refuses to go away, and Cyrus feels like he’s choking on every word he forces out of his mouth.

“Cyrus. We just kissed, like, five hours ago.”

“It was a fake kiss.”

“How is that a fake kiss?” TJ’s yelling now and Cyrus has half a mind to tell him to lower his voice so he doesn’t wake his mom up, but TJ just steps outside and slams the front door shut.

“We’re in a fake relationship. So, the kiss was fake too.”

“Oh my god!” TJ holds his head with his hands, exasperated. “Well if everything was so fake to you already, then why are you even here? Why do you need to come here to tell me all this? Why couldn’t you just go and tell your parents that we’re broken up? Why’d you have to come here in the middle of the night, Cyrus?”

“Because…” Cyrus racks his brain for an answer that doesn’t give his feelings away, but he can’t come up with anything.

“Because why, Cyrus?” TJ presses. “Was everything fake to you? The dates, the conversations. I told you things about myself I’ve never told anyone else, Cyrus. You think all of that was fake?”

Cyrus opens his mouth but nothing comes out. TJ doesn’t let him say anything either. “Cyrus,” he says, stepping closer, “look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn’t feel anything at all when we kissed. Look me straight in the eyes and tell me it was fake.”

Cyrus stares. TJ is close, and getting closer, and he can smell his cologne and feel the heat of his breath even in the night breeze, and Cyrus, in that moment, all he wants to do is hold him by his shoulders and kiss him again.

So that’s exactly what he does.

TJ deepens the kiss after a few seconds of just registering what is happening. He touches him at his elbows first, then snakes his arms around his waist and pulls him in closer, so that their chests are touching now. Cyrus can feel TJ’s heartbeat. He can feel the movement of his shoulder and neck muscles underneath his palms.

The rush of adrenaline that’s been pounding in Cyrus’s ear for every second of the kiss dissipates as soon as they pull away. He doesn’t open his eyes right away. He’s pretty sure he’ll start crying if he does, so he keeps them closed and he doesn’t open them until he feels two hands on the sides of his cheeks and hears a soft “Cyrus” in front of him.

“I like you,” Cyrus says, eyes fixated on TJ’s. “A lot. And I don’t want any of this to be fake anymore. I can’t do anything with you anymore if it’s just going to be for a pretend relationship.”

He feels TJ’s arms wrap around him and pull him into a hug. He buries his face into the crook of TJ’s neck and lets the tears that he’s been holding back soak into TJ’s shirt. He hugs him tighter and pulls him closer and TJ does the same, his hands rubbing circles into his back. “Cyrus, it’s okay,” he whispers. “I understand.”

That only makes Cyrus cry harder.

They sit on the front steps for a little while after Cyrus is able to stop his crying. TJ lets him rest his head on his shoulder, still rubbing circles into his back. “You know,” TJ says into his hair, “I like you too. I’ve liked you for a really long time.”

“Yeah?” Cyrus lifts his head up to see TJ’s face. “How long?”

TJ shrugs. “A really long time.”

“That’s way too vague for my comfort.”

TJ chuckles softly. “I’m afraid the complete answer won’t make you too comfortable either.”

Cyrus hits his chest lightly with the back of his hand. “Just tell me.”

“Since middle school,” TJ says. “Since the day you told me there was nothing wrong with me. Maybe before that too, I don’t know. But I know that I’ve been in love with you at least since that day.”

Cyrus lifts his head up again. This time, he turns his body too, so that he’s looking completely straight at TJ Kippen. “You’re in love with me?”

TJ sighs. “Sorry, that was too strong.”

“No, it’s okay,” Cyrus says. “But that’s four years. You’ve been in love with me for four years?”

TJ runs a hand through the hair on the back of his head, a habit Cyrus notices he does whenever he’s nervous. He laughs a little, kind of insecurely, not meeting his eyes, and says, “Well, yeah.”

Cyrus looks at him for a while, not saying anything. Then TJ looks up to meet his eyes again, and Cyrus can’t stop himself when he leans in to kiss TJ again. Softly this time, and only for a short while, but it leaves TJ with a gentle, shy smile when he pulls away. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Cyrus asks.

“Because we were friends. And I didn’t even know you were gay. Or maybe I did, but I refused to believe it because I thought that it was just my mind trying to trick me into believing I had a chance with you.”

Cyrus pushes his shoulder and TJ laughs. “Of course you had a chance with me, idiot. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because, Cyrus.” TJ takes his hand and interlocks their fingers.  “You’re amazing,” he says and Cyrus catches his breath. “You’re the nicest person I know. And you trusted me, and you were my friend even though I didn’t deserve you. I was a jerk, Cy, but you treated me good anyway. I was scared that if I asked for more than that, I’d lose everything I already had. And I couldn’t bear losing you.”

Cyrus pulls on their interlocked hands. “You’re never gonna lose me, idiot. You’re an idiot, you know that?”

TJ laughs. “I know.”

“Absolutely moronic. You dumbhead. How can you be so smart and so stupid at the same time? Do you see yourself? Do you know how many people would beg to just hang out with you? And you thought you wouldn’t have a chance with  _ me _ ?” He pushes a fist against TJ’s chest and tries not to kiss him again when TJ just gives him a cheeky grin and leans in to his touch. “You’re crazy.”

“Maybe I am crazy,” TJ says, wrapping his free hand around Cyrus’s wrist, the one that’s connected to the fist still pushing against TJ’s chest. “But I’m crazy for you,” he says, and before Cyrus has any time to react he’s pulled into TJ’s arms and he’s kissing him again. For the fourth time that day.

Everything is happening all at once. He can feel the softness of TJ’s mousy hair in between his fingers on his right hand, and the sharpness of his jaw in the palm of his left. There’s a hand that found its way to the nape of his neck, and he can feel the weight of TJ’s fingers digging into his hip. There’s heat everywhere: in his mouth, on his cheeks, on every area of contact that he has with TJ Kippen. It’s exhilarating. It’s addicting. And he loses all awareness of time and space so that when they finally pull away—after five seconds or five minutes, he doesn’t know, doesn’t care either—he’s dizzy with adrenaline still running through his veins.

“I love you too,” he breathes out, still barely an inch away from TJ’s face, because he realized he hasn’t said it yet. “I love you so much.” And TJ just pulls him in and kisses him again.

They’re a little caught off guard when the front door opens and Amber pretty much screeches at them in whisper mode.

“What are you morons doing?” she hisses and Cyrus knocks himself off of TJ and onto the ground, wincing in pain a second later. It’s not enough to bring him out of the horror of being caught, though.

“Why are you awake right now?” TJ hisses back at her.

“Why are you making out with your boyfriend at this hour? On the front porch, nonetheless, in front of the whole neighborhood, at midnight! Are you fucking insane?” She kicks his legs away and walks down the steps to help Cyrus up from the ground. “I go away for half a year and you’re already getting yourself into scandals, Cyrus.” She shakes her head and brushes the dirt away from his sweater. “What has my brother done to you?”

Cyrus sees TJ rolling his eyes behind her. “Sorry,” he tells her, “we just need to, ah, clarify some things about our, uh, our relationship status.”

Amber gives him a deadpan look that translates to  _ Great fucking excuse, Cyrus, that explains the makeout session. _

Cyrus laughs sheepishly and desperately side-eyes TJ to get him to come help.

“You’re not going to tell Mom, are you?” he asks her.

Amber scoffs. “I don’t know, TJ. Depends on what you have to say for yourself.”

“Okay. Cyrus and I have been kind of fake dating until today. But we kissed, like, six times so we’re official now.”

Cyrus hits him in the shoulder. Amber stares at him for a full minute. “What the fuck?”

Cyrus sighs. “It’s a long story,” he tells her. “And I promise we’ll tell you everything—”

“You better,” Amber interrupts.

“—but since it’s past midnight and my parents don’t sleep as densely as your mom does, right now I need to get home before they call the police for their missing child.”

“I’ll drop you off,” TJ offers raising his hand like a fucking child with a huge grin on his face that makes Cyrus want to kiss him again.

But Amber hits him in the chest and says “Absolutely not. I’m driving him. You can stay at home and suffer.”

TJ frowns, pouting a little, as he watches Amber walk up back into the house. Cyrus watches her go too and sighs. “She’s going to make me explain everything in the car, isn’t she?”

“Yep,” TJ says, then hooks his arm around Cyrus’s neck. “So much for making out in the car.”

Cyrus blushes at that, eyes widening, and pokes TJ in the ribs, hard, but TJ swerves around and pulls him into a hug instead. “You’re gross,” Cyrus mumbles into TJ’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him.

“You’re adorable,” TJ mumbles back. Cyrus blushes again and hides his face in TJ’s shirt. He closes his eyes and they both stand like that for a while. Hugging each other, swaying a little from side to side because TJ’s tall and Cyrus’s footing isn’t very firm when he’s leaning into Cyrus’s small body.

It’s peaceful. The night air is calm and cool, and the warmth of each other’s bodies keeps the two boys from shivering. 

“I love you,” TJ mumbles, and Cyrus can hear the tiredness in his voice. He breathes out on his neck and steps in a little closer.

“I know,” Cyrus whispers, “I love you too.” TJ hums a little at that, and it’s soft and vibrating in Cyrus’s ear. Cyrus never wants to let go. And for now, he’ll pretend that he’ll never have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I've basically been on hiatus for like three months, and I am so sorryyyyyy :'( , but well it's finished and so I'm chill now I guess cuz this thing has been looming over me for a while bc I've had writer's block for like three years and there's like extra life problems jumping me from time to time lol. Anyway. I hope you enjoyed the story and for all of you who left kudos and comments, THANK. YOU. SO. MUCH. BLESS YOUR SOULS. seriously thank you so much y'all kept me living. have a wonderful day my friends. i love you. :) <33


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